Here’s a secret about me, it’s not a deep dark secret, just a recent thing you may not know about me. For the last few months, when I’m driving, I feel like I’m going to cry. It doesn’t happen all the time but sometimes, when I’m alone in the car I stop worrying about things that don’t matter for a second. In the moment I stop worrying the music becomes background noise and I miss my father all over again.
It’s been 3 months since my father died and I still don’t feel right. That’s probably not unusual, in fact I’m probably mourning just fine but when I’m all alone I sometimes feel like I’m going to break down.
While driving this morning I was think of my father and the New York Jets. He was a big Jets fan, which means I am too. If you don’t follow football the Jets made it to the playoffs and managed to pull off an upset win last week. The Jets are also big underdogs this weekend but I’m rooting for them even more than usual because the last time I spoke to my father it was after a Jets game. It may sound silly but I feel like this Jets season was the last thing my dad and I shared.
Since my father passed away I’ve felt that when the Jets season ended I’d be losing the last living connection to him. The fact that the Jets season has now extended into the second round of the playoffs means I’ve had another week of holding on to the last thing that brought my dad and I together. Of course I know it is likely that The Jets season could be over by the time Sunday night rolls around and even if the Jets pull off another upset it can only last another few weeks, at most, before it’s done. Whenever the season finally ends I will be ready to let go, but I wish I didn’t have to. On the bright side, maybe after the football season ends I’ll be able to take a drive across town without getting sad.