Like most American kids who celebrate Christmas my parents told me about Santa Claus and like most kids I believed in him until I discovered a flaw in the story. For me the flaw was a matter of logistics, there was no way Santa could keep track of the naughty/nice ration for EVERY kid. I tested this theory by misbehaving as much as possible in December of 1979; when I still got gifts on Christmas I knew I was in the clear, my mother later confirmed that Santa was made up. This discovery led to many years of bad behavior around the holidays, such as:
1980– Removed items from my Father’s Christmas stocking, filled stocking with nails.
1983– Told my brother he was going to get gifts that he wasn’t really getting.
1984– Told sister that Santa had died and
1984– Stole from school holiday fair, spent gift money on candy.
1989– Stole from local store, spent gift money on cigarettes.
1995– Did shopping on Christmas Eve at 7-11 and 24 hour pharmacy.
1996– Insulted the Christmas Midget.
1998– Drove around on Christmas Eve distributing booze to the homeless.
2002– Neglected to shop until Christmas morning, bought gifts at adult video store.
2003– Taught youngest sister how to throw snowballs at cars and not get caught, also forced her to watch Teen Wolf which she did not like.
2006 – Snubbed someone for bringing non celebrity baked goods.
Ever since then I’ve been pretty well-behaved, hopefully this will result in some sort of Christmas miracle, like some of the gifts I never got as kids. Maybe this is the year I get the trampoline or the Dukes of Hazzard race set. Enough about me though, how did YOU find out the truth about holiday traditions? OR What do you tell your kids?