Thanks Science, I Needed That

After years of doing nothing for me, medical science finally came through for me in a big way last weekend.

Late last week I got sick and spent several days heavily medicated. On the third day of trying to sleep it off I was worried that there was something seriously wrong. I called my doctor and as I waited for her to call me back my wife looked up my symptoms online, in a few minutes they both had a diagnosis and a plan to help me. Both my doctor and my wife diagnosed me with the basic severe cold/flu/sinus thing. My doctor suggested a medication that would help with the symptoms but my wife came up with the best prescription ever when she said:

You shouldn’t wash any dishes for the next several days.

Here’s something you may not know about me, I have a bad habit of ignoring medical advice: I never take the recommended dose, I often lift things without using my legs, I smoked for many years and last year I walked around for two weeks with an appendix that was about to burst. It’s like I’ve been mad at medicine and I’m taking it out on myself out of spite. However, when instructed, FOR MEDICAL REASONS, by my wife and the internet to not do the dishes I decided it was time to do as I was told.

Two days later I was advised that it was probably safe to resume washing dishes. I thought I needed a few more days of dish rest but my desire to not get punched in the face by my wife convinced me to keep my opinion to myself.

P.S. – Thank you very much to my lovely wife who patiently nursed me back to health and washed all of the dishes. She is the best thing ever.

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11 Comments

Filed under marriage

11 responses to “Thanks Science, I Needed That

  1. Edley

    You’re lucky; she could have left the dishes for you to wash when you were better.

  2. Ah! I must have an undiagnosed severe cold/flu/sinus thing! Explains a lot. Right?

  3. varrery guased

    Dear god,write about something besides you and your little life-any books?You read?Same goes fer yer wife-it’s all so limited,and provincial,really.

    • betheboy

      Are you being forced to read it? Why keep reading something you don’t like.

    • I have contacted the authorities, since you are obviously being forced to read against your will. WE WILL SAVE YOU!!!!!!!

    • betheboy

      Send up a flare from the bunker you are being held captive in so we can stop them from forcing you to read my terrible blog.

      Maybe after you’ve been through an appropriate amount of therapy you can show some of the things you’ve written so I can do better next time.

      I noticed that you came directly to this post when you commented and not to the main page so I’m assume that you are also forced to subscribe to this site. Poor you.

  4. Paul M

    I have hated Science ever since my Science teacher
    gave me only a c+ on a essay on Charles Darwin.

  5. Want to hear about two of the best prescriptions ever given by a doctor? Good. The first was given to my friend after he got really dizzy doing yoga with his wife. The doctor told him, “Do less yoga. Drink more beer.”

    You might think that would be the best prescription of all time, but you’d be wrong. A few years ago I was having some bladder/prostate issues and my doctor told me, “try to increase the number of orgasms you have and see me again in a week.”

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