Scenes From Our Glamorous Life

From time to time my wife and I like to tell you about the people in our life.  Since it’s the first of the month I figure it’s a good time to reintroduce you to one of our favorite people…our landlady.

She lives upstairs from us with a schizophrenic postal worker and a man who might be paying rent through favors that are too frightening to consider.  When she isn’t going through our recycling bin for magazines we have discarded she is collecting items off the street and storing them in the vacant apartment upstairs.  There is an alarm on the apartment with found items but nowhere in the inhabited portions of the building are there such strong security measures.

Crazy? Absolutely, but the upside is that we pay a very reasonable rent.

I avoid going upstairs to at almost all costs, but the first of the month is the trip that can’t be avoided, lest she come downstairs looking for me.  Here’s what usually happens when I venture up there.  After ringing the bell I hear a rustling of newspapers, lots of newspaper. These are either being used as furniture or for warmth until I throw out a chair or a blanket. Finally a voice from inside asks who is at the door:

It’s Will.

-Who?

Will…from downstairs.

-Where downstairs?

There’s only one downstairs…I live in the downstairs that Will lives in. In fact I’m Will.

-What do you look like?

Umm…about average height, kinda like James Spader in Pretty in Pink.

Finally the door opens…

-Oh Hi Will, I was afraid to open the door, a lot of people have been knocking.

Well…I’m just dropping off the rent.

-We covered up the peephole so we can’t tell who is outside.

That’s good, well I gotta run because the oven is on.

Every time I come home and find that the building is not on fire I consider it a good day.

While my landlady usually forgets who I am, she can be counted on to remember to call me if there is ever a TV emergency.  One night I got a panicked call because she was having trouble with her TV, because she stutters it took her a few minutes to explain what was wrong:

Will, my TV is Spanish.

– Is it dancing the flamenco?

No, it’s just talking Spanish

– Did you press the SAP button again?

No.

-OK, I’ll be right there.

She had in fact pressed the SAP button, this happens every few months.  As I said, this is the price we pay for reasonable rent in LA.

Want to hear more about our friends and neighbors?  You can catch up on the adventures of The Slackmistress and me by watching our live chat show on Saturday. It’s our weekly roundup of what’s been going on with us; kind of like a blog but with talking.

The show starts at 8:00 pm Pacific time every Saturday and you can watch it at http://www.ustream.tv/channel/bethemarriage. We’ll see you there.

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9 Comments

Filed under General Tomfoolery

9 responses to “Scenes From Our Glamorous Life

  1. dvl

    thank you for always making me laugh.

  2. Mighty Hunter

    “Every time I come home and find that the building is not on fire I consider it a good day.”

    Classic.

  3. vintagecaveman

    Sounds like my Grandmother.

    Tell her I said hi!

  4. my landlady forgets who i am every month too, no matter that ive been living here for over a year. whenever i go to her office to drop off a check she looks at me like i’m crazy. half the time im tempted to grab that check back and run away. fuck it, i’ll keep my 1000 dollars.

  5. kim

    You guys live in the best building (minus the poo tub)

  6. “dancing the flamenco”
    I am laughing out loud. I refuse to LOL.

  7. My son just did this earlier today.

    The Spanish part I mean, not the newspapers, hoarding stuff thing.

    I mean, he does that too, but that’s not what I wanted to say this time.

    I just hope one of these days he comes home with like an exercise bike. Oooh or a puppy.

    My money is on the puppy, I mean he’s only two so the bike might be kind of hard.

    Oh look, my cocktail is empty.

  8. You retweeted just to make me comment again.

    Because obviously my last comment was beyond awesome.

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