From time to time my wife and I like to tell you about the people in our life. Since it’s the first of the month I figure it’s a good time to reintroduce you to one of our favorite people…our landlady.
She lives upstairs from us with a schizophrenic postal worker and a man who might be paying rent through favors that are too frightening to consider. When she isn’t going through our recycling bin for magazines we have discarded she is collecting items off the street and storing them in the vacant apartment upstairs. There is an alarm on the apartment with found items but nowhere in the inhabited portions of the building are there such strong security measures.
Crazy? Absolutely, but the upside is that we pay a very reasonable rent.
I avoid going upstairs to at almost all costs, but the first of the month is the trip that can’t be avoided, lest she come downstairs looking for me. Here’s what usually happens when I venture up there. After ringing the bell I hear a rustling of newspapers, lots of newspaper. These are either being used as furniture or for warmth until I throw out a chair or a blanket. Finally a voice from inside asks who is at the door:
There’s only one downstairs…I live in the downstairs that Will lives in. In fact I’m Will.
-What do you look like?
Umm…about average height, kinda like James Spader in Pretty in Pink.
Finally the door opens…
-Oh Hi Will, I was afraid to open the door, a lot of people have been knocking.
Well…I’m just dropping off the rent.
-We covered up the peephole so we can’t tell who is outside.
That’s good, well I gotta run because the oven is on.
Every time I come home and find that the building is not on fire I consider it a good day.
While my landlady usually forgets who I am, she can be counted on to remember to call me if there is ever a TV emergency. One night I got a panicked call because she was having trouble with her TV, because she stutters it took her a few minutes to explain what was wrong:
Will, my TV is Spanish.
– Is it dancing the flamenco?
No, it’s just talking Spanish
– Did you press the SAP button again?
-OK, I’ll be right there.
She had in fact pressed the SAP button, this happens every few months. As I said, this is the price we pay for reasonable rent in LA.
Want to hear more about our friends and neighbors? You can catch up on the adventures of The Slackmistress and me by watching our live chat show on Saturday. It’s our weekly roundup of what’s been going on with us; kind of like a blog but with talking.
The show starts at 8:00 pm Pacific time every Saturday and you can watch it at http://www.ustream.tv/channel/bethemarriage. We’ll see you there.