A few years ago The Sneeze sent me a bacon wallet and I loved it like it was a member of the family (A tiny family member who looked like bacon and touched my ass for 18 hours a day). As far as bacon themed accessories go it has been the best; less greasy than the bacon hat and more useful than the bacon ashtray.
As The Sneeze knows, I am ridiculously wealthy (I’m not really, but play along)* and as a result of years of holding incredibly large sums of cash, my bacon wallet finally fell apart last week. Rather than replace it I have decided to make a change and go wallet-less. From now on, instead of a back pocket full of things I don’t need I’m carrying my ID, a few essentials and that is all. No business cards, no supermarket club cards and no photos and I like it better this way but there is a slight drawback.
For years I’ve habitually checked my back pocket to make sure my wallet was still there. This stems from the time I was on a date and the girl tried to swipe my wallet. After that date I started checking my pocket several times a day to make sure my wallet had not gone missing. It should have stopped a few months later when we broke up but it didn’t. I still habitually check for my wallet except now I’m just patting myself on the butt because it’s not there anymore, then I get nervous and think I’ve been robbed. Maybe this no wallet move was a bad idea.
*You’ll have to ask The Sneeze why he thinks I am wealthy but I suspect it involves secret surgeries and bitters.