The Sneeze, My Wallet and a Change

A few years ago The Sneeze sent me a bacon wallet and I loved it like it was a member of the family (A tiny family member who looked like bacon and touched my ass for 18 hours a day).  As far as bacon themed accessories go it has been the best; less greasy than the bacon hat and more useful than the bacon ashtray.

As The Sneeze knows, I am ridiculously wealthy (I’m not really, but play along)* and as a result of years of holding incredibly large sums of cash, my bacon wallet finally fell apart last week.  Rather than replace it I have decided to make a change and go wallet-less.  From now on, instead of a back pocket full of things I don’t need I’m carrying my ID, a few essentials and that is all.  No business cards, no supermarket club cards and no photos and I like it better this way but there is a slight drawback.

For years I’ve habitually checked my back pocket to make sure my wallet was still there. This stems from the time I was on a date and the girl tried to swipe my wallet.  After that date I started checking my pocket several times a day to make sure my wallet had not gone missing.  It should have stopped a few months later when we broke up but it didn’t.  I still habitually check for my wallet except now I’m just patting myself on the butt because it’s not there anymore, then I get nervous and think I’ve been robbed.  Maybe this no wallet move was a bad idea.

*You’ll have to ask The Sneeze why he thinks I am wealthy but I suspect it involves secret surgeries and bitters.



Filed under General Tomfoolery

8 responses to “The Sneeze, My Wallet and a Change

  1. I once gave Alan (aka Drunken Santa) a bacon wallet for Christmas. Of course, I had to tell Glenn not to hoard it for himself when he packed up his gifts to go home to Nashville, IN. (Yes, I used to date someone from Nashville, but not the cool Nashville.)

    Alan liked his bacon wallet so much that he sent Glenn home with a duct tape clutch he made himself as a thank you.

    I swear, this is a true story.

  2. kim

    I could dig up an old fanny pack for you Will….

  3. Sarah

    The real question is, you dated a girl who tried to steal your wallett for a few months?!

  4. betheboy

    @Sarah – That aside she was really nice.

  5. pete

    should i ask where you keep the emergency hooker money?

  6. Did you have fun typing that on your “home computer?” Must be nice.

  7. Your bacon wallet was provide by us. I would like to offer to replace that wallet with a bacon wallet at no cost to you OR if you prefer, a toast wallet.

    Email me and let me know!

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