A Few Things Before We Go

My wife and I are heading to Chicago on Thursday for several days of friends, family and freezing temperatures.  Travels always reminds me of a family tradition.  Whenever my mother was traveling more than 50 miles from home she would gather all of the kids around the kitchen table and tell us what to do and who got what in the event she didn’t come back.  This gave me terrible separation anxiety because I associated being away from my mother overnight with a strong possibility of her dying but it also led to discussions like this.

So, any questions about what do do if I don’t come back?

– Yes, can we get a dog?

No.

-But you said we could have a dog over your dead body.

No, you won’t take care of it and I’ll have to walk it.

-But you’ll be dead.

Don’t be a smart ass.

Sadly we did not get a dog.  On the bright side my mom survived all of her weekend trips.  However, thanks to these pre travel discussions I’ve never left the house for more than 48 hours without first making sure my estate was in order.  Do you have any idea what a pain in the ass it is to have to write my last will and testament every time I want to take a weekend trip?

Since I’ve got lots to do before leaving I’m just going to take this trip without consulting an attorney.  Hopefully everything will be fine.

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12 Comments

Filed under Family

12 responses to “A Few Things Before We Go

  1. vintagecaveman

    If you don’t come back can I have your hat?

    fuckpants

  2. My dad’s an attorney, so he can take care of it.

  3. If you don’t come back, can I get a dog?

  4. betheboy

    VCM – I will be taking my hat with me so, no you can’t.

    Miss Grace – You can have a dog just not OUR dog.

  5. Shit, I was going to ask for the hat. Well, can you send me one anyway?

  6. Damn. I never thought of doing that. Not sure I’ll get a will done by the time I leave for Vegas this weekend though. Crikey.

  7. sheesh! how traumatizing was that? my parents just locked us in the closet until they got back from their trips.

  8. kim

    My mother just left us to our own devises and hoped for the best. It worked out fine every time (if you don’t count the time my brother burned down the kitchen)
    I say we start a bidding war for the hat.

  9. congo

    >Do you have any idea what a pain in the ass it is
    >to have to write my last will and testament every
    >time I want to take a weekend trip?

    Yeah. No pain in the ass at all. You don’t own anything.

  10. betheboy

    When I say last will and testament I mean who gets the porn and records.

  11. This is what happens when I stop caring about the internet. And can I say, I am glad to see that you are just as morbid as I am. Every time I leave somewhere outside of my 10 mile radius which requires me to spend the night somewhere, I always make sure to leave a note of how I’d like to be buried, not to have a funeral in a church, and to contact the people listed on my cell phone (provided it survives my demise). This note is carefully tucked away in a place that people won’t come across until they start going through my stuff which works in my favor if I make it back safely but will suck if I do pass during a trip and my parents have my funeral at a church in any case.

    I’d also like to add that I worry about this more flying overseas than across the country. If I die in the ocean, there’s a gnat’s chance that they’ll find my remains. If I crash somewhere in the good ol’ continental 48, they’ll at least know where I could’ve ended up.

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