I once tried to tell a holiday story that started like this:
Many years ago I spent Christmas night at the home of my then girlfriend with her family. We had already gone to see my family and when we got back to her house we poured drinks and settled in for the night.
That’s how the story starts but it then takes an abrupt turn and it ends with her brother and I drinking gin and tonics in the kitchen, listening to a rebroadcast of Game Six of the 1986 World Series. I’m pretty sure that this happened in 1996 but when I tried to write the details down I discovered a huge hole in the story…I don’t know what happened to my then girlfriend once we got home. No matter how many times I rerun the story in my head she never shows up after we get home.
What was intended as a nice story about Christmas night turned into a story about how I was too wrapped up in a ten year old baseball game to pay attention to where my girlfriend had gone. Did she leave? Was in another room the whole time? I have no idea so I scrapped the story because it made me feel like a jerk but it reminded me that there are a lot of details that get left out of these holiday stories I’ve been telling.
Things don’t get left out of stories because they aren’t interesting or funny, some details just don’t fit into the blogging format. I know that you’re probably reading this at work or you’re in the middle of a thousand things at home so I like to get my point across quickly and in the process the non essential things get cut out. Today I’d like to go back over the holiday stories to tell you some of the things I didn’t mention the first time around.
In the story of the Christmas Midget I left out the fact that there was also a guest who had a tracheotomy, so in addition to a midget there was a guy who talked like a robot and smoked through his neck.
The story of my holiday trip to the dentist ends with my father telling me to call my mother, which I did. My mother in fact did get me to a dentist for some emergency work but we had to leave the office immediately afterward to finish her Christmas shopping. So, we went shopping…while I was still under anesthesia, unable to speak clearly and bleeding from the mouth. It was an awful experience but we got done with time to spare.
The story about getting food for Christmas originally showed up here last year and at the time I mentioned that if i didn’t tell my family what I wanted, I’d likely get peanut butter and peaches for Christmas. Well I didn’t tell them what I wanted and a few days after I told this story last year a package arrives from my father. I open it to find exactly what I deserved.
It was the best canned Christmas ever. Happy holidays.