Mistakes and Gifts I Never Got

For today’s edition of Be The Boy Holidays 2008 I’m looking back at some holiday related bad behavior and some  still unfulfilled wishes.

Christmas Related Things I Have Done Wrong

1980– Removed items from my Father’s Christmas stocking, filled stocking with nails.
1983– Told my brother he was going to get gifts that he wasn’t really getting.
1984– Told sister that Santa had died.
1984– Stole from school holiday fair, spent gift money on candy.
1989– Stole from local store, spent gift money on cigarettes.
1995– Did shopping on Christmas Eve at 7-11 and 24 hour pharmacy.
1996– Insulted the Christmas Midget.
1998– Drove around on Christmas Eve distributing booze to the homeless.
2002– Neglected to shop until Christmas morning, bought gifts at adult video store.
2003– Taught youngest sister how to throw snowballs at cars and not get caught, also forced her to watch Teen Wolf whch she did not like.

Ever since then I’ve been pretty well behaved, hopefully this will result in some sort of Christmas miracle, like some of the gifts I never got as kids.

Items From Childhood Christmas Lists That I Never Got

Time Machine
Dukes of Hazzard Race Set
Nutritious Meals
Dental Insurance

Eventually I got the last one but I had to pay for it myself.



Filed under General Tomfoolery

9 responses to “Mistakes and Gifts I Never Got

  1. She didn’t like Teen Wolf???

  2. I am certain that the Christmas Midget had it coming.

  3. I want to know what you bought at the adult video store …

  4. betheboy

    Laurie Ann- She was 10 at the time so I can cut her a break.

    Elwood – Probably did

    Melissa- I’ll tell that story soon.

  5. Lisa R. (illuminato)

    I highly disagree with your 1998 placement and ask you to reconsider. It should be removed from this list and placed on the “Christmas Related Things I Have Done Right” list. Unless there is something more to it than I am aware, such as distributing=selling with a highly profitable skid row markup.

  6. I have to agree with Lisa– I see nothing wrong with that. You probably made some poor homeless people very happy.

  7. JoannAttison

    My husband & I got WAY too much enjoyment out of that list for it to be ENTIRELY wrong. I mean, nails? Maybe he needed them. You stole from Great Neck Road holiday fair? Again, can’t see anything wrong with that. And the midget? Hey, if he was dressed in Christmas attire, he was LOOKING for attention, don’t you think?
    And you are welcome to come play on our trampoline any time you wish. I may still have my brother’s Dukes of Hazzard bike, too.

  8. I’m working on the whole Time Machine thing.
    I figure if I make one, I’ll send it to my past self, so all I have to do it wait.

    Sooner or later, there will be a blue box in my backyard.

  9. And I never got that hovercraft. Someone talk to Santa, will you? What? He’s dead? Sob!

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