Allow me to take a moment to put a stop to a persistent rumor I inadvertently started:
My wife and I are not having a baby.
Is everyone clear on this?
The baby rumors are all my fault. A few weeks ago I suddenly went baby crazy, like some alarm went off in my brain that said “Baby”. However, there is a world of difference between”Hey look at that baby, wouldn’t it be fun to make it to say bad words and teach it to clean our house” and “I want to raise a child“. My baby crazy is all about having a little person that can entertain me and do work for me.
Now that I think about it, I don’t really need a baby for help and good times, I can get that from a Christmas Midget.
Unless you’ve read this blog for a while you may not be familiar with the Christmas Midget idea but it was invented by my father to save time and have a little extra fun around the holidays (here’s a link to the story).
Christmas Midgets have many advantages over kids: You don’t have to claim them as dependents, buy them a car or put them through school. On the downside you might have to remind them not to smoke in the house and you will almost certainly have to bail them out of jail. However, they won’t grow up to resent you for simply doing the best you could raising them, like actual kids will.
So in conclusion: Babies=No, Little People=Yes. Thanks for letting me clear this up.