Bad Things to Get While Trick or Treating

(In Ascending Order of Awfulness)

  • Pennies
  • Nickels
  • Razor Apples
  • Raisins
  • Molested
  • Raisinets*

*Raisinets are worse than raisins because they fool you into thinking they are candy when in fact they are just raisins in disguise.  Raisinets are the Decepticons of Halloween.

Advertisements

39 Comments

Filed under General Tomfoolery

39 responses to “Bad Things to Get While Trick or Treating

  1. *Little Bags Of Chips
    *Peanuts (not Peanut candy. just Peanuts)
    *Popcorn Balls
    *Fake Spiders
    *Real Spiders
    *Religious Pamphlets

  2. betheboy

    @Thelossadjuster are the peanuts at least shelled?

  3. distinctlydrl

    Travel size toothbrush, toothpaste, and floss. No kid wants that kind of “treat”.

  4. @betheboy Nope. Just a big ole’ stinky bag of unshelled, unroasted peanuts. It’s FAIL in a bag.

  5. betheboy

    @distnctlydrl – you got that right. If I wanted nice teeth as a kid I would have run away to live with more responsible adults not knocked on doors in a batman costume.

  6. vintagecaveman

    -meatballs (they get tomato sauce on everything)

  7. you misspelled raisins and raisinettes. sorry.

    *kool-aid packets
    *pencils
    *mary janes (the candy, not the shoes)

  8. betheboy

    @zookeeeper – Thanks, I fixed that, although there’s only one t in Raisinets. I know it seems wrong but I looked it up.

  9. melissa

    – loose handfuls of those rice snacks they sell in the Asian foods aisle

    – coupons

  10. I’ve never, ever been trick or treating so uh yeah. My mom always said that Jesus wouldn’t want us to go around begging for candy. I’m still unconvinced.

    But you know I read somewhere that razor apples are a myth and that it never even happened to anyone? Crazy how things like that happen.

  11. betheboy

    @ TheEx – Razors in apples are most likely a myth.

  12. So you don’t like raisins I take it? I don’t mind them but would prefer a chocolate covered peanut.

    I think that sour candies or gummy candies are gross so those would top my list.

  13. Am I the only person that likes Raisinetes? I used to convince my friend to give them to me by telling him they were chocolate covered mouse turds. I was a special child.

  14. Lisa Potato

    I agree that I’d rather be molested than given Raisinetes.

  15. Lisa Potato

    At least when you’re molested, you get to go to a fancy psychiatrist and work out your issues. When you get Raisinets, you’re on your own with that pain.

  16. I hate raisins and I love Raisinets. I don’t understand it either.

    Why has no one brought up the orange & black wax paper candy. That stuff was serious ick.

  17. I love Raisinets. I hope we can still be friends.

  18. My son always gets a card about Jesus while trick-or-treating. Not really sure what he has to do with Halloween!

  19. betheboy

    @Lisa P. I know, plus Raisinets won’t let you use their Atari if you promise to keep a special secret.

    @Annika – No, we can’t.

    @Erin – We should keep the Jesus out of Halloween.

  20. You mean I can’t give out molested? Guess I’d better get my ass to Costco then.

    I always hated anything home made; cookies, popcorn balls, etc. I wanted pre-packaged, store bought goodness.

    Agree, raisans blow; nature’s candy my ass.

  21. melissa

    @ the slackmistress: I completely agree on the black and orange wax paper candy.

  22. kim

    Anything homemade with discernible finger print marks in it–wrapped in a paper Dollie and secured with yarn.

  23. Sarah

    Oooh… … I so totally hope to get molested! Does that make me twisted?

  24. betheboy

    @Sarah- yes, it does. be careful what neighborhood you advertise that in.

  25. Slack, I am also a fan of the Raisinets. I actually keep a bag around the house.

    I’ve been looking for those nasty orange quasi-marshmallow peanuts for a stage prop and can’t find them ANYWHERE.

  26. Raisinettes are the worst. Waste of chocolate.

  27. smussyolay

    thank god you can’t find those ‘circus peanuts.’ they’re the devil.

    and that wax paper candy? yuck. they were a desperate move if you had no candy. but even then, i could only eat about one of them convincingly.

    blah.

    during college, i once trick-or-treated in naperville, il, where my school was. there were people in mansions handing out FULL-SIZE candy bars. it was sweet and never to be repeated.

  28. distinctlydrl

    First of all, ewww Raisinets and black and orange candies!!!

    The dental hygiene trio was from a dentist, of course. I think we skipped his house every year after that affront. Logically he should have wanted all the kids in a small town to have bad teeth – more $$$ for him.

  29. @smussy: I am from Glen Ellyn, and I have been told that this same phenomenon exists. I may have to have a baby just for the Halloween candy.

  30. in contrast to the awfulness listed here… best trick-or-treat loot i scored as a kid? king size candy bar w/ $1 wrapped around it.

    i actually love raisinets, hate those orange marshmellow peanuts, and remember kicking popcorn balls and apples we got from folks into the river w/ my friend tim

  31. There was a family we would trick or treat with on halloween and in their neighborhood there was a man who always gave out office supplies. He handed them out from a large Office Max bag as if he’d bought them all specifically for the occasion. I’m not sure why he thought we needed staplers and paper clips but I always liked getting the cool pens and brightly coloured post-its.
    On the same block there was also a man who handed out very cheap grocery store soda cans. 8oz ones I think. I believe he also bought them specifically for halloween as we recieved them(and office supplies) for 5+ years.
    I sure hope those two were friends…

  32. Will Campbell

    Whilst trick o’ treating I once got hit with a water balloon tossed by some punk from a speeding car. Since I’m still outraged that some bastard’s idea of fun was to douse a tot in a Frankenstein costume, that’s pretty much No. 2 on my “Bad Things To Get” list.

    No. 1 would be a water balloon full of pee.

  33. Will Campbell

    PS. to the haters: Raisinets are the bomb!

  34. Don’t forget regular apples.

  35. Novysan

    I am perhaps the only person in the world that like Circus Peanuts, which are orange in color, but banana flavored. (Did you know they were banana flavored? Most people don’t). My Grandfather in Westchester, IL was a fan of Circus Peanuts, so there were two of us for awhile. They remind me of him, which is why I like them. Circus Peanuts and Captain Black pipe tobacco mean Grandpa. Circus Peanuts can be found at the 99cent store or Walgreens.

    On the topic of orange and black wax paper things, the orange were peanut butter flavored and the blacks are maple. They were definitely the last things to go from the bag except for maybe some petrified Dubble Bubble, which was by then so rock hard it required you keep it in your mouth for at least an hour to raise it to body temperature before you even tried to chew it, lest you break a tooth. Loose candy corn covered in lint might be a close second.

    I used to self ration my Halloween candy so it reached Christmas, then do it again to reach Easter. From Easter to Halloween was the long, dark tea time of candylessness.

  36. Maybe it’s my age…I remember getting money and popcorn balls at Halloween and thinking that was the best Halloween ever. Only, of course, to be topped when I was able to catch ‘It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown’ before hitting the mean trick or treating streets. And trust me, most of my trick or treating was done on military bases, so the words ‘mean streets’ totally apply!

    I still remember every costume I wore, every stomach ache I had (from eating more candy that I was supposed to), and every crappy house that handed out pamphlets about god or how Halloween was a sin.

    Man, I miss those times.

  37. And the lamest houses were the ones that would give you just plain fruit and tell you, “It’s natures candy!” Nature can kiss my ass on Halloween.

  38. Congo

    A list of what I give out:

    Cigarettes

    Condoms

    Weed

    Used office supplies and other household items

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s