Nobody Knocks Anymore

In all the years I’ve lived in Los Angeles not one kid has knocked on my door on Halloween.  This didn’t stop me from buying Halloween candy for a few years, but I bought what I liked because I knew I was going to be the only one eating it. Eventually I stopped doing that but it’s never been an issue.  Still, I worry every year that a kid is going to show up and I’m going to feel guilty for not having candy and I’m going to give them the TV.  Then my wife will come home and she’ll notice that the TV is gone.  My plan to hide the loss of the TV (which she bought) by replacing it with a cardboard box covered in pictures cut out of magazines will fool some people, but not her.  Then she and I will have the following conversation again:

Did you sell the TV?

-Of course not, two eight year old knocked on the door so I gave them the TV.


-Because we had no candy.

Laugh all you want but my wife can probably follow my flawed logic well enough that she’d understand why I did it.  I’m not saying she thinks I’m right, I’m just saying she knows who she’s married to.  I do ridiculous things sometimes, but at least I’m consistent.



Filed under General Tomfoolery

10 responses to “Nobody Knocks Anymore

  1. What’s your address? I’ve got two kids who would LOVE a new TV.

  2. I could use that TV, can I send Gabriel?

  3. The first year in our house, about 11 years ago, we had TONS of trick-or-treaters. I stopped counting after 100. It’s gotten thinner every year. We get the van load that comes all at once, the repeaters, and the parents begging for candy for their 6-month olds. (I think I ranted about this on a blog post once. When I used to blog). This year, I’m giving out pennies.

  4. kim

    Loose change- it’s my emergency back up every year.

  5. betheboy

    Kim – way better than my plan of turning out the lights and pretending I’m not home.

  6. JT

    What concerns me the most this year is that we’re having the Halloween party on actual Halloween night, so anyone who doesn’t get candy could do some serious tire slashing.

  7. vintagecaveman

    I’m stuck working on Halloween night.
    It’ll just be me. alone. in my Groucho Marx glasses.

  8. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with stocking up on Halloween candy, not having any kids stop by and being forced to eat it all yourself. At least that’s what I tell myself every year.

  9. jreinsch

    ehh, even as a kid i wasn’t cool with the door-to-door begging. then again, i was the only 10-year-old who considered the hypocrisy of saying “trick or treat” when you in fact had no intention of carrying through on the threat of a trick, not to mention the fact that the phrase implies the rather shady moral ground of publicly-accepted extortion…

    …i was a weird kid.

  10. A TV would have been so much cooler than the Slim Fast bars I gave out to the trick or treaters who knocked on my door when I was in college. Especially since it belonged to my roommate.

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