Things Every Computer Needs

In my last post I wrote about my wife’s birthday and in it I lamented the lack of a “Propose Immediately Button” on my computer.  The auto propose button isn’t the only one I’ve wished for, I could really use the following three features on my computer:

The Half Led Zeppelin Button– In case you’re not aware of my Led Zeppelin policy, I’ll reiterate.  Half of Led Zeppelin is the best band ever but the other half is the worst thing that ever happened to music.  The great half is Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones and I don’t have to tell you why, but I can’t stand the fat, dead, drunk on the drums or the guy who nearly ruins those awesome riffs with his terrible voice.  I wish that my computer has a button that could eliminate the drum and vocal tracks from Zeppelin songs.  The 2.0 version would replace the vocal tracks with Terry Reid and replace the drum tracks with any other drummer.

Email Mistake Check – This one could really be helpful.  Picture something like a spell check but instead of spelling it checks to make sure you’re not doing something dumb like sending your checking account info to a scammer or emailing an ex. Messages could automatically be routed to a mistake folder that would hold the messages until you thought it over or sobered up.

Selective Censorship Filter – This can be used to censor things that annoy me.  It wouldn’t make them go away, I don’t work like that, it would just block them from my view.  This way when I get tired of reading about something I can just set my selective censor to hide all references to it.

These seem like they are possible.  Feel free to take these ideas and develop them or you can suggest your own.

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10 Comments

Filed under General Tomfoolery

10 responses to “Things Every Computer Needs

  1. Pingback: Led Zeppelin News » Blog Archive » Things Every Computer Needs

  2. Google are sorta looking after #2 on your list here.

    I’d rather like a Calm The Fuck Down button, so if I get really angry about something on the internets (which is happening more and more often these days), I could press it and see a picture of a fluffy puppy, or Jake Gyllenhaal, or a raspberry Collins, or maybe all three together… hmm.

  3. I have an email mistake check on my work account. In outlook you can set a delay on outgoing messages for up to 10 minutes. That way if you notice problems just as you’re hitting send, or if you have a sudden change of heart, you can totally take it back.

    Seriously, this has changed my life.

  4. I’d like a WTF NOOB button. What it would do is blow up a giant inflatable pillow around my monitor so when I bash my skull against it in frustration over… well, everyone, it wouldn’t hurt so much.

  5. Pingback: Google is all up in your mailbox, keepin’ you from drunk… emailing. « Tales from the Gutter

  6. kim

    I would like my laptop to have a breathalyzer which would be attached to a kill switch- it would negate the need for most other buttons.

  7. aliastaken

    I actually heard about something like that drunken email detector on the radio this morning. Personally, I think such a device on one’s cell phone would be more valuable…

  8. betheboy

    Alas- I saw that drunk protector too, seems too good to be true.

  9. Paul M.

    I remember my first computer was so old
    it was once owned by Fred Flintstone

  10. All things conidsreed, this is a first class post

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