The Hobo Record Club Returns For More

The Hobo Record Club is back, actually they never went anywhere but I’ve been in a dispute with them for the last week. In case you’ve forgotten, here is how the club works:

I pay a single penny and once a week someone leaves a record outside my house.

Sometimes the record will be left in a tree, sometimes at the end of a trail of birdseed and sometimes hidden by the trash cans.

That’s the good part, here’s the catch…the first 12 are only a penny but after that I have to start leaving pies and dirty magazines outside or they’ll cut me with a rusty pocketknife. Unfortunately, just like other record clubs it’s nearly impossible to cancel my membership.

For the past several weeks they have delivered records to my house (you can read about those here) and while they have not been great selections, they have had some appeal to me. Well, last week they delivered my record and I was appalled by their selection. I like all kinds of music but they sent me something by one of my least favorite bands of all time, I wasn’t having this and I was going to give those sneaky bastards a piece of my mind. Of course they only can be reached by telegram so I had to find a working telegraph first, which was not easy but not impossible. After locating a telegraph and learning Morse code I sent a message.

Worst record ever STOP

Refuse to accept this STOP

Request new record immediately STOP

To my surprise they replied immediately, while they are kind of strict about the rules of the club I am their only customer so they realized they should try to keep me happy or there would be no pies or dirty magazines in their future. While they would not take the terrible record back they promised to deliver a super special bonus record the following week.

You may be wondering what the awful record is so I’ll show you, but I warn you that it’s awful, clip Keep Reading to see what it is (unless you clicked a direct link to this post, then just scroll down).

I hate KISS so much.

So as bad as that one is I was looking forward to the next selection and it arrived today. Let me tell you, they were not lying. This weeks selection is a delight AND it’s a double LP. It’s not just any double album though, it’s a double album of Woody Allen’s stand up material. Check it out:

For those of you who have only known Woody Allen from his films you might be surprised to know he did stand up. Well he not only did it, he was great at it, in fact prior to focusing solely on film Woody Allen may have been the funnies comedian in the country. According to the hobo who dropped it off this is a 70’s reissue of his early 60’s material. Here is a clip of some of his 60’s stand up:

Of course there is a catch, there’s always a catch with the hobo record club. I now have a trial membership to the newest hobo racket, The Hobo Publishers Clearinghouse, which consists solely of 1950’s magazines. Here’s what I’ve gotten so far:

Luckily I didn’t sign anything so I was able to cancel the magazine membership but I’m stuck with the ones I’ve gotten so far. The lesson here, as always is to avoid hobos bearing records…and now magazines.

On a semi related note, I updated my long neglected music blog for the first time in months.

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13 Comments

Filed under hobo record club

13 responses to “The Hobo Record Club Returns For More

  1. Swirly Girl

    You could totally ebay the kiss record. those fans are freaks for that stuff.

  2. betheboy

    But then I’d have to touch it.

  3. i like 80’s big hair bands, but kiss definitely wasn’t one of my favorites.

    i would love to look through those magazines though! lots of cool old stuff. i wonder if the hobo publishers clearinghouse would deliver to turkey.

  4. As long as you can pay in waffles instead of handjobs, they can deliver for as long as they’d like.

  5. OMG I love the old 1950s LIFE issues, the ones with ads saying “50% of all doctors are smoking marlboros” or “LOSE WEIGHT NOW! Order your very own batch of sanitized tapeworks!”

    Lovely. :)

  6. like you will, i too HATE KISS.

    (not kissing, i like that)

  7. betheboy

    The best thing about the old magazines are the ads, especially the paint ones that all advertise a high lead content.

  8. Agree – best thing in those old mags are the ads. I love to see the “new” products and all those great cigarette ads.

    Kiss Army – Don’t ask, don’t tell.

  9. Oh those hobos are a crafty lot.

  10. Was never a big Kiss fan although I saw them in concert in 1977 at the “Fabulous Forum” Was totally wasted on ludes and couldn’t find my car for 4hours after the show and dont remember much else.

    GOOD TIMES!!!!!

  11. Ted

    Be careful. Next will be insurance. (Car, health, home, and then life.) Once they get you signed up for life insurance, they make themselves the beneficiaries, next thing you know … “CURTAINS.”

  12. Andrew

    Wow, didn’t realize Ed McMahon had fallen so far, so fast…

  13. betheboy

    Andrew- Ed is having some financial troubles so this may be his doing after all.

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