Lately I’ve been telling myself that I’m getting thinner, even though my pants and scale tell me otherwise. While most evidence indicates I’m actually gaining weight I keep telling myself it’s not true and to sell the lie I’ve created I point to one thing…my glasses fall off every time I look down towards the ground. Sure, a sensible person would just tighten the screws on their glasses but I posses neither common sense nor tiny screwdrivers. For several weeks I’ve been telling myself that I’m losing weight in my face while at the same time I’ve eating cupcakes two at a time and dropping my glasses on the floor. It’s really been a great time to be alive…until this afternoon.
Late in the day I took my skinny face down the hall to use the men’s room so I could pee and wash the buttercream icing off of my face, I just had a cupcake and some coffee. A few seconds later I’m at the urinal when I decide that there would never be a better moment to gaze admiringly at my junk…I looked down…(you see where this is going) and saw my wenis and then my glasses as they fell into the urinal.
It’s amazing what the brain is capable of when the body is in crisis, in a millisecond I weighed several options. I could do one of the following:
- Pee on my glasses
- Reach in and pee on my hand as well as my glasses
- Hold it in for a second and move to the next stall over while hoping that no one else came in to pee on my glasses.
I was too panicked to make a decision so I went with a hybrid of the first two. I peed off to one side while reaching down and getting my glasses. Both my hand and glasses suffered minimal splash back and both were washed thoroughly afterwards.
I should probably get one of those eyeglass repair kits before I have to use that bathroom again because nothing ruins a good afternoon like getting urine on your glasses.
An update on an two unrelated notes: I know that when you think of me the first thing that comes to mind is probably not health and fitness. However, I’ve got a guest post today on a health and fitness blog. Really. Check out my post on Does This Blog make Us Look Fat.