Something I Learned Today

Things have been a little gloomy here the past few days but don’t worry, it will get better. There are very few things in life that I’m 100% certain about but one of them is the fact that I’m committed to this thing that Nina and I have so despite the fact that things haven’t been easy, we are not going anywhere. Now it’s no secret that much of the problems we have experienced has been a direct result of my own difficulty in adjusting to married life. This may sound stupid, but I’m terrible at prosperity; historically the better things get, the more likely I am to screw up my own life.

For the past year, my life had been as close to perfect as I could hope for, but recently I’ve felt unworthy of all my good luck, like some sort of fraud husband who couldn’t possibly be good enough for the woman I wake up next to every day. It sounds stupid, but it’s true. Despite this feeling, I’ve never wanted to be anywhere but where I am. I believe in US even if I don’t always believe in me, but I’ve been worried that I’m not going to be able to hold up my end of the deal. Forever is a long time to not fail, how do I manage that expectation?

The answer hit me while we we’re driving through Laurel Canyon this afternoon, as we discussed our future I realized that I don’t have to be perfect from now on, I just had to be the best husband I could be today, try again tomorrow and repeat until I get dead. While I’ll never get it perfect, as long as I’m trying to do the right thing every day I’m giving myself a chance to succeed. It’s so simple when I say it now, but it took me a while to figure out.

I’d like to thank everyone who offered comment, support, advice etc… the past few days, it’s really been a big help to us both. As a small token of my appreciation I give you the two songs below (click the links to download).

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds: Straight to You

Richard Hell & The Voidoids: I’m Your Man


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