Lightening the Mood a Little

Events at home have reminded me of the lamest joke ever…”I have no kids….that I know of.”

I was waiting in line for my lunch and thinking about not having kids when I started to deconstruct the joke in my head. Taken literally the line “I have no kids…that I know of” means…

“I am a man who has sex with women, impregnates them and runs off leaving them with no way to contact me. This allows me to avoid my parental responsibility and live in a state of suspended adolescence where I think jokes like ‘I have no kids…that I know of’ are funny.”

After that I felt pretty depressed because I realized that most jokes when deconstructed this way were terribly unfunny. To highlight this I’ve retold the punch lines to filthy jokes I have told in my lifetime to highlight their literal meanings. You’ll have to figure the jokes out for yourselves.

Punch Line 1: To make up for the several days of fun you have had, you will spend all day Friday on the receiving end of anonymous glory hole sex.

Punch Line 2: I was too busy masturbating to realize that you were talking about the state of undress and not my songwriting career. We will both be disappointed after my next song and you will know that I have been to prison.

Punch Line 3: A man is drinking excessively because he is ashamed of his sexuality; the bartender asks intrusive questions about peoples sex lives.

Those jokes sucked didn’t they? Next time you see a comedian be glad that he’s not telling the jokes this way.


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