Truly Jumping the You Know What

Every September year someone says to me:

“I can’t believe the stores have Halloween candy out already”

I’m not bothered by this at all, and you probably aren’t either because you realize that placing the candy out early makes fiscal sense. But every year I find myself explaining “The store correctly assumes that I will by those mini Twix bars in September, eat them and then buy more before Halloween. This allows the store to make more money, helping them to stay in business and thus remain at a location convenient to us. It’s win-win.”

I also have same conversations about Christmas. I also have no problem with promoting Christmas early, this allows more time for shoppers to buy me something and gifts for me keep the baby Jesus from crying. So unless you hate god, don’t worry about Christmas decorations in July.

As you can see, I don’t mind getting a head start on the good times but recently I saw something that took it just a little too far for me.

The Discovery Channel announced that beginning July 20th; viewers could download Shark Week programming through their video on demand service. You may want to go back and re-read that last sentence…wait, I’ll just say it again but in italics: The Discovery Channel announced that beginning July 20th; viewers could download Shark Week programming through their video on demand service.

Now again in all caps:

THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL ANNOUNCED THAT BEGINNING JULY 20TH VIEWERS COULD DOWNLOAD SHARK WEEK PROGRAMMING…

Now much like Easter the exact date of Shark Week changes so perhaps you don’t realize that Shark Week begins on July 29th; Discovery Channel is jumping the shark by NINE days. It doesn’t take a genius to realize that this means shark week will last for 16 days. Perhaps the sinners at Discovery haven’t read the holy freakin Bible lately so I’ll refresh their memories:

“Blessed are the sharks because they are awesome. Thou should honor the shark for seven days in mid summer on a basic cable channel”

By extending shark week for nine days they are going to make the baby Jesus cry, just like all of you who didn’t give me a present last year. I think we need to let the people at Discovery know that this is wrong, that we should keep the WEEK in Shark Week!

I encourage you to contact Discovery here and tell them how you feel about this abomination.

KEEP THE WEEK IN SHARK WEEK!

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