Plans For The Fallout
Most of my fears are irrational, like my well documented fear of eating if a midget is present or how I scream like a little baby at the sight of a mouse but my biggest fear is very real. I’m afraid of ending up like Burgess Meredith in the Twilight Zone. You know the episode, the one where he only wants time to read and then survives a nuclear blast only to break his glasses; well I worry about the same thing happening to me except in my version I survive the blast by hiding out in my secret bunker filled with copies of Swank magazine. To make sure I don’t wind up like the character in that episode I try to keep myself from relying too heavily on my glasses by frequently going without them. While this means I sometimes can’t see very well when I’m driving, it will ensure that I can continue to read pornography after a nuclear blast, think of it as weight training for my eyes.
It should be noted that in ten years of wearing glasses I have never broken or lost them, until yesterday. Luckily, thanks to my patent pending nuclear blast pornography plan I was able to drive home from work without my glasses on and I was able to play poker without them too (even though I lost) but this morning is a different story though as I’m sitting in front a computer and I need them. Unfortunately my old backup pair is too scratched up to be useful so I have the broken pair precariously balanced on my face like a monocle. It may be time for contacts since I’ll never be able to enjoy post apocalyptic smut this way.
Updated: Here’s a crappy picture of me sporting my busted glasses. As an added bonus it looks like I have a lazy eye which is hot.