What You’re Missing

You know what is hilarious? When someone from a big city like Los Angeles or New York goes to a smaller city and points out all of the ways in which the small town is not as good as the big one. Yep, that is always funny…pure comedy gold..just like throat cancer. It’s shooting fish in a barrel*…fish with cancer. I won’t be doing that.

I’ve been in Tulsa for 15 hours now and let me tell you…the T in Tulsa stands for The Awesome! Why you ask? I had breakfast and who was sitting at the next table? The Chief of Police…the fucking chief a.k.a. the Boss Hogg of Tulsa. Try getting that kind of police protection at the breakfast table in the big city. Wait there is more, I’ve already seen a dog wearing a bandana and I heard on the radio that it is TRUCK WEEK at one of the Dodge dealers (there are a lot of car dealers here). I can’t believe I’m here during Truck Week, I don’t know what it entails exactly but I suspect we all get free trucks just for going to the dealership and singing God Bless America.

It’s been less than a day and I’ve already gotten the doggy bandana/police/truck trifecta, that’s a good month in most places but out here it’s just Tuesday morning.

Take it from me, Tulsa is good, in fact, if I had a womb I would have the city’s baby but I can’t so ladies come let Tulsa get you pregnant. You’ll be glad you did.

*Has anyone ever actually shot a fish in a barrel? I wonder if it was as easy as I’d expect. I guess it depends on the size of the barrel and the number of fish. One fish in a big barrel could be difficult especially due to the refracting qualities of water. I’m just saying.


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