I’ll Show You, I’ll Show You All

Sometimes I have brilliant ideas that are just too advanced for people, for example:

On Sunday I was out shopping with The Slackmistress and I came up with a plan to replace a lot of the furniture in the house with larger furnishings in order to convince the dog that she was shrinking. Ms. Slack says that the dog wouldn’t notice the difference and that it wasn’t nice to play tricks on the puppy. I say she was just jealous for not thinking of it first.

That plan was almost as good as my earlier plots to:

– Adopt hundreds of children to collect tax breaks.
– Pretend to be retarded to get free hot wings*
Marry Margaret Dumont

These plots were all foiled due to a combination of poor planning and Margaret Dumont being dead but that doesn’t make them any less brilliant.

(*It turns out there is no Free Hot Wings for Retards laws in the State of California, there should be.)

For the record a few things have worked out just fine, most notably my fake detective agency plans.

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