What I’ve Learned in a Week

Now that I have been living with a girl for seven whole days it’s time to step back and evaluate what I’ve learned in a week.

1 – My house has been lacking in Giant robot artwork.

2 –My PC is filled with things I had forgotten about.

3 – The bed is too small for me and Slack AND Daisy, someone has been moved to the floor.

4 – Sometimes you need to change your approach and be harsh because in the words of Al Capone, “You get more with a kind word and a gun then with a kind word alone”. This approach can be put into use when your kindness towards your roommate results in him overstaying his welcome. I tried to discuss it with him but he stays out until I go to bed, doesn’t return my calls and when I caught him sneaking in the house last night and confronted him, he didn’t answer the door when I knocked, then when I called he hung up on me, THEN when I finally had a face to face…. he cried. When these things happen you have to draft the following letter and post it on his door:

We haven’t had many chances to talk lately so I’m writing you to discuss our living situation because I’d like to resolve it in a way that works best for both of us.

I know that you’ve been doing your best to try and find a new place and I appreciate your efforts but I’m getting frustrated because it seems that it’s not going anywhere. You were informed that my living situation was changing on January 5th and while I didn’t expect that you’d be moving the next day I think that enough time has passed for you to make arrangements. I’ve done my best to try and make the process of moving a little easier by giving you computer access to help your search but a check of the browser history shows a lot more than just apartment and job hunting. I’m not a moralist but I don’t like the idea that you’re inviting strangers into my house, it puts me and my property at risk not to mention the fact that it results in me being woken up at night by drunk girls in the hallway. Making things more uncomfortable is the fact that you’re staying out of the house when you know I’m home so we haven’t even been able to discuss things.

Here’s the bottom line, I need you to move out. This is not personal, I think you’re a good guy and I have really liked having you share the place with me but our arrangement has run its course. In order to resolve this quickly and fairly I’m giving you ten full days from today, February 7th to do whatever you need to do in order to find a place, this gives you through the end of the day on February 17th at which point I will be taking over the room and changing the locks on the doors. I know that this can be done. In the meantime rent will be prorated per day, if you have any questions let me know.

5 – She needs to work on her poker game but so do I.

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