Tonight’s the Special Needs Night
Last night I couldn’t fall asleep. Despite being comfortably tucked into bed; The Slackmistress Daisy the Wonder Dog and I found ourselves lying awake past our bedtime thanks to the noise on the other side of the wall. I’m not sure what exactly was going on but I believe that either donkeys or retards were having sex because the noises we heard were like nothing like anything I’ve ever heard in person or on film. I don’t know how you feel but I was hoping that some donkeys snuck into my building to fuck last night however there were no hoof prints at the window, no hay and the carrots that I regularly leave out for wandering barnyard animals had not been touched…so it was retards. You may not have strong opinions on retard sex but I do and I’m not a fan of watching it, participating in it or even hearing it.
Back when I was a younger man I used to get asked on a lot of dates, mostly by retarded girls and once by a retarded guy a.k.a. a gay-tard so it’s not like I haven’t had the opportunity to have sex with retards, I have had plenty of chances but I have said no. Apparently someone on the other side of the wall had no such problem because one or more of the participants had to have been mentally challenged because no human with an IQ of 70 and up could grunt and moan like that. To be fair it seemed like they were having a good time or at very least playing with a lighthouse fog horn and practicing their pig calls while they did it.
I’m not sure how or when I became the moral authority at my building but I think I’m going to have to go Martin Luther on everyone’s ass and nail some rules to the front door.
They will be as follows:
1- No retard sex
2 – No cripple fucking
3 – No hobo handjobs
4 – No going through my trash
5 – No having hookers over
I hope that The Slackmistress (who moves in just 6 days from now) can live with these rules.
If you have any other suggestions for regulations please let me know.