Category Archives: General Tomfoolery

The Night Before The Big Day

Re-posted from willstegemann.com

The day before we were supposed to get married, Nina and I packed up everything we would need for the next few days and started driving from Los Angeles to Las Vegas. What we needed consisted of five cases of wine, some clean clothes, my $89 suit, her $119 dress and wedding rings we had bought online. After we filled the gas tank we had $60 to our names. We had a lot of things to be happy about that day but having money was not one of them.

We were broke but I wasn’t overly concerned about that. We had enough gas to get where we were going, our families were on the way to Las Vegas, our room was paid for and I had a paycheck coming my way at the end of the week. All I had to do was not do anything dumb and show up to the wedding chapel on time; if I did that everything would be fine.

The idea of being fine and getting married seemed impossible six months earlier; for starters I had yet to meet Nina. I was still in the process of rebuilding my life after a long period of unhappiness, depression, physical illness, poor decision-making and financial difficulties. For a long time it felt like my life was in an irreversible downward spiral but over time I made some changes and things began to turn around.

While making my way back to the life I wanted to live Nina and I met and I knew that she was the one for me almost immediately. After spending so many years making the wrong choices I knew the right choice when I saw it. My only problem was that I couldn’t keep the fact that I knew we had stumbled into something good to myself.

On our second date I told her that I thought we should get married. Sure this was exactly the kind of ridiculously impulsive decision-making that had nearly ruined my life but this was the smart kind of impulsive. I wasn’t making a desperate decision in an attempt to cover up some void in my life. I was telling someone that my life was never better than when she was in it and I didn’t want her to get away.

Nina was smart enough to turn down my second date wedding proposal but a month later she asked me if that proposal was still on the table; it was. Five months later we were actually going through with it.

In the time between announcing our engagement and driving to Vegas to get married we took care of a few important things: We started living together and I met her parents. Meeting my parents was going to have to wait. I wasn’t hiding my family from her, it was just too difficult to get my parents to Los Angeles as a result my future wife would be meeting my parents the night before our wedding. If she was at all nervous about this, she didn’t let on.

The plan once we got to Vegas was as follows: We’d get in around 2:00 PM, check in and then head downtown to get our marriage license. At 7 PM the families would meet for dinner, then after dinner was wide open. We arrived on time and checked in. While waiting for a car to take us downtown our plans changed. As we stood on the curb a cab pulled up and my family stepped out. Despite being divorced for 25 years my parents had traveled together along with two of my sisters and one of my brothers. Nina was ready to meet my family, she just hadn’t planned on doing it at a taxi stand and my family probably felt the same way but it worked out fine. Everyone was too surprised to be nervous and we exchanged hugs and introductions as their bags were being unloaded onto the curb.

Just before Nina and I got into the car that would drive us downtown my father puled us aside and handed me an envelope saying:

“It’s not much but I wanted to give this to you guys before the wedding.”

I thanked him, put the envelope in my pocket and got in the car to get my marriage license. In the car I opened the envelope. Inside was $1,200. My family is not a rich or even financially comfortable. The cost of airfare and hotels was not insignificant so I was happy that they had made it. The gift was an unexpected surprise. My father, knowing that we spent all that we had to get to our wedding day, wanted to make sure we had fun. While we weren’t married yet I handed half of the money to Nina and put the rest away. I now had some spending money and less than 24 hours until I was to get married. I felt pretty great.

The process of getting a marriage license in Nevada is quick and easy. Within an hour from the moment we ran into my family, Nina and I were back in the hotel getting ready for dinner and talking about what the rest of the day would hold. Nina was curious as to what I had in mind for my last night as a single guy. I hadn’t made any plans for that night. I didn’t see getting married as the end of anything. I wasn’t being sentenced to marriage; I was pretty excited about it. I just wanted to get through the night without any problems. I was too anxious about the fact that my family was about to meet Nina’s family to think about what would come next but I wasn’t worried about it because I was in Las Vegas and everything in my life was going great; something would come up.

As we made our way down to dinner with our families we were nervous but things went very well. Everyone got along just fine especially our dads who hit it off pretty quickly and remained inseparable for the rest of the trip. After dinner we broke off into smaller groups to have drinks, gamble or just hang out. Nina and I hung out with our brothers and sisters for a while but since everyone had just spent most of the day traveling it was mutually agreed that we should call it an early night before the big day tomorrow. We’ll everyone agreed but me, I decided that I was going to stay up for a while. After walking Nina back to our hotel room I promised Nina I wouldn’t get in trouble and headed out to see what Las Vegas could do for me on the night before my wedding.

It was probably around 11:00 PM when I started making my way back down to the casino floor. While there were endless possibilities for a guy looking to do dumb things in the city I wasn’t going to go far. I’ve never been a strip club kind of guy and I was alone so the stereotypical bachelor party activity was out. I considered tracking down Nina’s brother but decided that I’d rather play poker. Since I had gotten some unexpected cash earlier I figured I could gamble a little.

As far as activities go poker was literally the safest bet for me; back then I was playing regularly and was good enough to hold my own in a poker room. I sat down to play but the cards weren’t coming and the room was kind of lifeless. It was the lack of activity in the room that was bothering me. I was about to take the biggest step of my life and I wanted some excitement so I decided to go look for it. Shortly after 12:30 AM I cashed out from the poker room and found I was actually up a few dollars.

Outside of the poker room I looked at my options: With a little over $600 in my pocket I could do a lot of things but I didn’t want to spend all of my money. I found a $10 blackjack table, ordered a drink started to play. I felt great. The last six months of my life felt like the greatest winning streak I had ever been on. I had gone from leading and aimless and unhappy life to feeling focused and as happy as I had ever been in my life. Sure I was still broke but Nina and I would find a way to make it work. For tonight I had cash in my pocket and a bright future ahead of me. I traded $100 for chips and placed a bet. It was almost 1:00 AM on my wedding day and everything was great.

Twenty minutes later I had gotten a free drink but I was out $100; another way of looking at this situation was that I paid $100 for a Jack and Coke. Blackjack moves fast and it moves even faster when, like me, you don’t really know how to play. Sure I understood some of the game but not enough to maximize my chances of winning. My lack of knowledge may have had no impact on the hands I just lost but it certainly didn’t help me any. I assumed however that this was just an unlucky bump in the road. I still had over $500 and a good feeling so I bought in for another hundred and ordered another free drink.

The second hundred dollars didn’t go as fast but I had no better luck with it. At one point I even went on a little winning streak but it didn’t last. At this point the time was approaching 2:00 AM, even in Vegas very little good ever happens after this time of night. If I were smart that night I would have packed it up and gone to bed but I didn’t because I foolishly held out hope that the universe cared that my 7 year losing streak had finally been turned around. How could the casino not understand that I was finally a winner? I put down another $100 and lost it.

Things had taken a bad turn but I still had half of my money left and I was getting married the following afternoon. It was then that I decided to stop gambling…at that blackjack table. I found a new table that felt lucky to me, sat down, and put all of the money I had left down on the table. Something in my mind had snapped and I was making a bad situation worse.

Here’s the thing about $600. It’s not a lot of money, unless it’s all of the money you have in the world. When it’s all the money you have in the world the smart thing to do is to stick it in your pocket and consider yourself lucky to have it. When you’re getting married to someone you met less than six months earlier and you only have $600 to your name you would be smart to try and prove to your future spouse that you posses common sense or at the very least you stick to the things you are good at when you’re gambling. These are things I wish I had considered before I traded all of the money I had left for chips and compounded my losses by increasing my bets. I was a lousy player at $10 per hand so at $50 a hand I was 5 times as bad.

I hung in there at the table for a little bit but despite several opportunities to put the money I had left in my pocket I chased my losses until I was broke. It was now approaching 3:00 AM and I was holding a losing combination of broke and stupid. I took my free drink and sulked away unsure of what I was going to do.

While I was losing Nina texted me to ask how it was going and I of course said that it was going fine. At the time it was true, as I hadn’t really gone off the rails at that point but in the hour since things went very badly and it was my fault. I found a quiet spot to try to compose myself and finish my drink before heading up to my room.

When I got back to the room and sat down at the desk. Nina sat up in the bed and immediately knew something was wrong when I continued to sit there quietly.

“How did it go?” She asked.

“I lost.”

“That’s okay, you didn’t lose all of it.”

“Umm”

“You didn’t.”

“I did.”

“You are the dumbest person in the world. That was all the money we had.”

She was right, at that moment I felt like the dumbest person alive. She knew my past history of bad decisions but believed that those days were behind me. Now, hours before we were supposed to be married I had done something to make her wonder if she was making a mistake. I quietly asked:

“Do you still want to marry me?”

“Yes, but I can’t believe you did this. Go to sleep.”

The next day Nina had a full day of pre-wedding activities planed and I was just trying to stay out of trouble.  Luckily I was broke so my options were limited.  I wandered the hotel, hung around and had lunch with a friend who had come in for the wedding and mostly worried if Nina was going to reconsider this whole thing. Six months earlier we hadn’t met yet and now we were about to get married. I wondered if she thought this was all crazy, if like a gambler, I was just doubling down because I didn’t know when to quit. I could understand why someone would feel this way but I was certain that we could make this work.

With two hours to go until I was supposed to get married I put on my suit and waited in front of the chapel, where I hoped that her answer would still be yes.

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Replacement Players With Matt Callan: Episode One – The Rick Camp Game

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My friend Matt Callan is one of the brightest and funniest guys you’ll find anywhere and he’s got a new project that I’m super excited about called Replacement Players. The premise is this: Matt has an amazing archive of old sporting events and he’s inviting his friends to re-watch games they watched in the past to see how their memories hold up. Along the way they will also make fun of commercials, old uniforms and crazy things that used to pass for entertainment.

I am honored to be Matt’s guest on the first episode where we discuss one of the craziest baseball games of all time and Matt shares his super-villain origin story. The game we discuss is a Mets/Braves game from 1985 that I remembered very well but not as well as I thought. I’m really pleased with how this came out and i look forward to hearing future episodes.

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Wrapping Something Up

You probably know this already but for all of 2012 I have been listening to and writing about the life and work of Billy Joel as part of a project called A Year of Billy Joel.

I began the year as a Billy Joel hater and I’m about to wrap it up as something else. There’s only a few days left so don’t miss the finale.

Thanks for reading.

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Positive Signs

Over the last few days I’ve been pulling on the thread of unhappiness, trying to unravel what lies at the heart of it and what I can do to fix it. I haven’t discovered exactly what it is but I feel like I’m already doing something to fix it just by talking about things.

I also went out for a 10 mile run on Saturday morning and the act of getting some distance under my belt in a relatively short time was good for my confidence. That plus seeing friends on Saturday night and a relaxing Sunday has me in a better mood today than I was on Friday; it is not as dark as it was before. It is not the end of this, but it’s easier to build on a two good days than two bad ones.

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A Commentary on Selected Lyrics to the Ghostbusters Theme

If there’s somethin’ strange in your neighborhood
Who ya gonna call?
Ghostbusters!

*Can you be more specific, why would you assume that the something strange in your neighborhood is a ghost?  There’s a lot of strange things in my neighborhood, should I be tying up phone lines?

If it’s somethin’ weird an’ it don’t look good
Who ya gonna call?
Ghostbusters!

*What if it’s just a rash? I bet the Ghostbusters got a lot of calls that turned out to be infected spider bites.

If you’re seein’ things runnin’ through your head
Who can you call?
Ghostbusters!

*Conversely you could also call a mental health professional. Ascribing visions to spirits is medieval thinking.

An invisible man sleepin’ in your bed
Oh who ya gonna call?
Ghostbusters!

*Again, not a ghost, it’s right there in the lyrics that it’s a sleepy invisible man. Alanis Morrisette has taken a lot of heat for the fact that nothing in the song “Ironic” is in fact ironic but everybody except Huey Lewis (look it up) has given Ray Parker Jr. a pass for the last 3 decades despite the fact that there has been no signs of ghosts in this song.

If you’re all alone, pick up the phone
And call
Ghostbusters!

*Again this seems like bad advice from Ray first it’s wasting valuable ghostbusting resources and second you’re better off doing other things if you need to meet people.

Mmm, if you’ve had a dose
Of a freaky ghost baby
You better call
Ghostbusters!

*Okay finally we have an actual ghost or at least a small portion of a ghost. This is a start.

When he comes through your door
Unless you just a want some more
I think you better call
Ghostbusters!

*And now where off track again. This describes a home invasion and assault. Call the police. DO NOT CALL GHOSTBUSTERS!

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Well This Is Cool

My ongoing project A Year of Billy Joel is on NBC News.com.

The good people at NBC have also reached out Billy’s PR people to ask if he’s be willing to talk to me about what I’ve been doing.

Fingers crossed.

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I Can Explain Everything

If there is anyone reading this…hello again. It’s been a while since I’ve written here, even longer than I realized. The last post is from August 2011 but it’s been a few years since I’ve regularly written anything here.

Honestly I never expected to come back. Let’s back up for a second so I can explain.

Back in 2003 BeTheBoy began on Blogspot. I transferred it to WordPress a few years later and kept it active through most of 2009.

When I began this blog in 2003 my only goal was to write regularly and maybe tell a few stories. There was no thought at first of anyone else reading what I was doing but in time some people did. Later on I met some of those people and I eventually married one of them. This was an unexpected benefit of blogging but it was not the only one.

At some point in 2006 my father discovered my blog. I never told him about it because I sometimes wrote about him and my relationship with him and he didn’t always look great (neither did I). I’m not sure how he found it but that doesn’t matter; he found it and he read it all. I assumed that he would be angry but he wasn’t. Instead of driving a wedge between us it opened things up between us. With everything on the table we began to finally talk and as a result we healed a lot of old wounds and moved past a lot of things that really didn’t matter all that much.

From then on I continued to talk about my father but he became an active participant in the story which made me really happy. Just knowing that he was out there reading was pretty cool.

Blogging had helped me build a relationship with my father so when he died unexpectedly in 2009 I felt like this blog had died too.

For a while I kept it going by talking about him but it was hard for me to keep this going when I knew that he wasn’t going to be checking in to see what I was up to. Since my heart just wasn’t in it anymore, I tried to go forward without this blog. I moved onto some other things and thought that was the end of the story here, but I might have been wrong.

A few weeks ago I was back in my hometown and I found myself on my father’s street, looking at his old house for the first time since he had passed away. As sad as it was to see it sitting there, empty and deteriorating, I could see it wasn’t the place where my father and I used to live anymore; it was just a thing.

When I got back home to LA I thought about another thing my father and I shared and how it too was siting empty, waiting for someone to do something with it. Unlike the house there are no legal and financial issues in the way of maintaining this blog so here I am again.

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