When this blog started, way back in 2003 I had two goals:
1- Tell stories
2- Make sure my father never finds it
Looking back, I succeeded at the first and failed at the second but that turned out much better than I could have expected. In 2006 my dad found this blog and read every single entry, even the ones where he doesn’t come off looking so great. Then a funny thing happened, it brought us closer than we had ever been. My dad didn’t mind I was talking about him; he understood that I was telling the story of our time together and he also understood, maybe for the first time, that I wasn’t mad about anything. With everything out in the open we both came to the same conclusion: While we both made mistakes we never tried to hurt one another (unless we had a VERY good reason) so there’s no sense dwelling on the past.
In time my father became an active participant here: filling in background info in the comments and adding story elements I was previously unaware of. When he wasn’t commenting he was reading and for three years I shared my life here knowing that the person who was half responsible for it was watching. As you probably know my father passed away last October; for a few weeks afterward I kept busy by telling stories about my father but over time the stories have become infrequent. This is partly due to the fact that I work a more than I used to but it’s mostly because telling stories here feels like less fun than it did when my father was reading them. I expect this will pass someday but until it does you can find me in the following places:
BeTheMarriage with my wife, Saturday’s at 5 PM PT or on podcast
See you back here when the time is right.
I follow you all over the internet.
Super sweet post.
this is lovely, your stories are always great stuff…. I will look forward to more in the future whenever they happen.
I know quite a few writers who consciously (or subconsciously) write for someone, and when that someone is gone, I guess it lends yet another facet to grief and loss.
You’re right that in time you’ll find your voice again and stories that you want to tell. Thinking of you as you continue to navigate life without your dad in the background.
Definitely don’t try to force it. I got like that for awhile, back in my days as a Myspace Addict. I had about 150 subscribers, and got like a dozen comments each blog, so I knew folks were reading, which lead to me pressuring myself to be “entertaining.” That was my mistake, blogging is supposed to be FUN not work! So just always remember that, and write when you feel like it.
Hope you are all good. Just saying hi and take care!
Robert Lee Allen