I’ve officially entered the angry stage of my grieving. Yesterday I was angry with my dad for not quitting smoking and since then it’s expanded to being angry about a bunch of other things that are mostly my own fault. I’m angry with myself for not calling more, for not going home more often and for not speaking up when I felt something was wrong. I realize there’s little I can do beyond accepting that the past is the past and not beat myself up over it. I’ve considered adopting a new dad from a rescue shelter but since I made the dad shelter up it’s probably not going to happen.
To be honest, I’m mostly angry about petty things that I’ll soon get over: things like a baseball game we never got to, the secret stash of snacks and chocolate milk I wasn’t allowed to touch, and a lot of things that are really no one’s fault. I’m just going to be angry about it until I figure out a way to not be.
14 Comments
November 19, 2009 at 6:52 pm
I last saw and talked to my grandmother in August of ’94. She came up to my college to help me get settled and see where I’d be. When she left, I was sure she was angry at me (my mother swears she wasn’t). She called at the end of October, but I missed her phone call, and never got around to calling her back. Then she died mid-December. My grandma was my biggest fan, at a time when I didn’t have any other fans. I was angry for a long time that I never called her back, that I never called initially to make sure she wasn’t angry. Now I’m more wistful and disappointed when I think about it, but I spend more time thinking about her life, rather than her death. And I don’t let disagreements or misunderstandings with other people linger on.
November 19, 2009 at 6:53 pm
This might sound crazy but I’m glad that you’re angry. It sucks right now but it’s forward movement.
November 19, 2009 at 6:54 pm
At least you’re looking at a rescue dad from a shelter, and not buying one and supporting those terrible dad mills.
November 20, 2009 at 1:57 am
And when you adopt one from a shelter, he’ll do anything for you because he’s so grateful.
November 19, 2009 at 8:16 pm
You are allowed to raid my “snacks and chocolate milk stash” anytime you’d like. You are also allowed to create and raid you’re own, just for the ritual healing aspect of it.
November 19, 2009 at 8:19 pm
It should be noted that the snacks and chocolate milk stash was actually snacks and chocolate milk.
November 19, 2009 at 9:10 pm
I agree with slackmisstress. I will also mention that there ARE such things as Dad shelters, you didn’t just make it up. They’re called retirement communities or long term care facilities. They have dads waiting to be adopted. That’s where I got my last 2 grandpas.
November 19, 2009 at 9:14 pm
The angry stage can be a bitch:
My father died Thanksgiving day 24 years ago, and the night before, after exams and a 6-hour car ride, I was too tired to go see him.
I couldn’t let go of that for a long, long time.
Sorry to say, it hurts and then it doesn’t; it hurts and then it doesn’t.
I will be worried if I don’t get angry and it doesn’t hurt…
November 19, 2009 at 10:47 pm
Thank you Rich, I’m sorry that you had to experience this but your perspective on this is greatly appreciated.
November 19, 2009 at 9:41 pm
I’m so glad you’re dealing with all of this yuckiness. I pushed my emotions away for a while after my dad died (May 2002) We all have our processes and mine was pretty slow – I’ve come to accept that. But being open enough to really experience this stuff and SHARE it is sort of beautiful.
My thoughts are with you.
November 19, 2009 at 10:50 pm
I know it might take a while. I hope that my sharing is helping others a little bit.
November 19, 2009 at 9:55 pm
I was angry at the entire world when Chris and Joey passed away last year and got really angry at anyone who didn’t understand why I was angry. That’s a lot of anger, but fortunately no one was hurt.
November 20, 2009 at 1:29 pm
The anger stage is always a bitch when my brother died I was so angry that it took me & him so long to get it right ( you know how our relationship was) and then he was taken from us. Anger is good, whether you realize it or not just be careful how you let it out, and remember we’re all here for you when you need us!!
Love you Cousin
November 20, 2009 at 3:53 pm
I hate to say it but I never really 100% got past the Angry Stage when my Mom passed.
All you can hope for is to be a Man they would be proud of and try to carry the torch when you have Chilluns of your own.