Hobo Record Club Strikes Back

Last week I joined The Hobo Record Club, Columbia Houseless. This was a mistake, in fact I was tricked into it but once the get you to sign up, you have to complete your contract or they stab you with a rusty pocketknife. It’s tough, but that’s how the The Columbia Houseless-Hobo Record Club works. It’s partly my fault anyway, I was at Hobo Depot* shopping for a handkerchief and a stick to bundle my belongings up. The hobo clerk offered me a chance to save 10% by signing up for The Hobo Depot Charge Card, and I said sure, without reading the fine print, which said:

“By accepting The Hobo Depot Charge Card you also are enrolling in Columbia Houseless, The Hobo Record Club. This club allows you to get 12 records for one penny but you must then accept 4 more records at our hobo prices. If you don’t pay we will cut you with a rusty pocketknife. If you move we will find you.”

Now I’m not a lawyer but the lawyer who carried my bags to my car told me it’s an iron clad contract so I’m pretty much stuck now. Making matters worse, there’s no way to choose your records, you get what they give you. Plus, they deliver whenever they feel like it, based on the freight train schedules.

(More on hobo records after the jump. Click Keep Reading to find out what happened next. Unless you clicked a link directly to this post, in that case just scroll down.)

When I got home from work on Tuesday The Slackmistress told me that someone had been sitting behind the house playing a harmonica for a few hours but now they were gone. I went out back to investigate and discovered that the mysterious stranger had been delivering my second hobo record club selection:

Nice, a 45, but what could it be? Let’s take a closer look.

Duran Duran’s Girls on Film, an MTV and 80′s dance club classic.

This week’s record is pretty good, but I’m really regretting joining this club. Take a look at where those sneaky hobos left the record:

Hey, I want to catch small animals as much as the next guy but come on guys, don’t leave a trap in my backyard. I just hope that next weeks selection doesn’t come in a sack with a rabid raccoon or something because then they’ll charge me for the raccoon too. I’m starting to really dislike those guys.

*Hobo Depot is an actual train depot, not huge superstore. They have a swap meet on Sundays.

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15 Comments

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15 responses to “Hobo Record Club Strikes Back

  1. I LOVE DURAN DURAN. Dammit, I would have had a dance party with that hobo had I known.

  2. Duran Duran is awesome!

  3. betheboy

    Jodi’s right, even hobo’s know it.

  4. classic hobo tricks…

  5. Totally saw Duran Duran in concert. I still want to have John’s babies.

  6. Also saw Duran Duran in concert. In New Orleans, in 2006. And yeah, John’s still hot.

    But a box trap? Did they really think you’d fit in there? Or were they trying to catch the Paradise O delivery guy?

  7. betheboy

    Chia Lynn- I believe that the box trap was to catch a rabbit while they waited for me to come home.

  8. Ah, yes. I forgot of the well-known love of Oryctolagus cuniculus for Duran Duran. Especially the first album. Though I did catch one grooving on “Electric Barbarella” just a few weeks ago.

    (Note: Thanks to the great god Wikipedia, I have learned that Oryctolagus cuniculus is the European rabbit, while American cottontails are of the genus Sylvilagus. But I thought to myself, “Well, Duran Duran is a British band – and how often do you get to say cuniculus in polite society?)

  9. betheboy

    Chia Lynn – I can always count on you for the science talk that sounds dirty.

  10. Hobos and 80′s Music. Holy John Hodgeman wearing a Madness pin! Look where do I sign up? I mean I have lint and used toothpicks just burning a hole in my pocket. Just tell me which old paper sack I have to scratch an X on to join. I say hobo traps be damned! We are talking quality 80′s music here.

  11. Sweet Re: Duran Duran![/camera shutter sound]

  12. i think i’d prefer getting stabbed with a rusty pocket knife, rather than deal with those “other” record clubs.

    i’d say your hobos have a sweet deal there.

  13. They really want to make sure you cough up those pennies.

  14. Pingback: Casual Friday — July 25th, 2008 - Cornered Office - Work It, Mom!

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