following up the last post
A few hours after I wrote my last post I did an altogether stupid thing. I went digging through the drawer where her ring still sits and took it out. Apparently the cathartic release I felt upon writing the episode down wasn’t good enough for me so I had to take that sense of relief and understanding I felt and make it go away. I had to torment myself just a little. So there I was home alone with ring in my hand but no one attached to it and feeling sad, ….not knowing what to do with it I put in my mouth. I was home alone with a diamond ring in my mouth (that’s an odd sentence) but it’s not the first time I’ve nearly swallowed it.
Once we had a brutal fight and she gave it back to me so I stuck it in my pocket and walked to the nearest bar where I ordered something strong And I sat hunched over the bar and dropped the ring into the glass…call it scotch and a relationship on the rocks and gulped until the glass was empty and my mouth was full of platinum and diamond. This was repeated several more times, a larger dose of alcohol and self pity than is normallyrecommendedd until everything went to black.
I eventually found myself waking up in the street some hours later somewhere near, but not near enough to my home with no way of accounting for the previous hours. During the course of the rainy evening I had managed to hurt myself physically nearly as much as my pride as indicated by the scrapes and bruised I later discovered, I had alsoapparentlyy been run over by a cyclist as evidenced by the tire marks across the back of my jacket. The ring however was still somehow in my pocket along with my keys and I found my way home abloodiedd and filthy mess. Like many trips home I can’t tell you how this was done I just got there and found my way to the couch to sleep. When I awoke the next day I was no longer wearing wet clothes and I had a blanket where my muddy and wrecked jacket had been. The ring was discovered on the hand of the girl sleeping alone in the other room.
Several years later I am in that same room although I’ve had nothing stronger than a cup of coffee on this day I feel just a twinge of dizziness with this memory in my mouth, it sits there for a while until I get tired of the feeling and I return it back to it’s box and tuck it away. I need to make sure I never do that again, in fact I should probably just get rid if the damn thing. If anyone would like a slightly chewed piece of jewlery (marrying me is optional) it is available at my swank apartment.
Lighten up boy
Now for the (slightly) less depressing stuff: Some thoughts that the mind is willing to process but lacks the time to do so. Saving them till later but I’m willing to let someone else think of them for me if they have the time.
Just got off the phone with the Minnesota Attorney General’s Office and I’m thinking of the late Bob Stinson and the riff to “Can’t Hardly Wait”, the original version, which rocks like it was handed down by god not the, muted to the point of being irrelevant, version that appears later on Pleased to Meet me.
Thinking about my drive through the salt flats listening to Land Speed Record on my way into Nevada and passing the restored but still ghostlike Saltair. In 1962 the at the time abandoned Saltair was featured in the horroe classic film Carnival of Souls. If you’ve never seen it Carnival of Souls is a low budget masterpiece and is notable for being the only feature film directed by Herk Harvey. Just who is Herk Harvey you ask? Well Herk Harvey is the worlds greatest director…of educational shorts. If you watched boring educational films in school you are familiar with Harvey’s work. Fans of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 will be familiar with his Eisenstien inspired “Why Study Industrial Arts”, the biting social comentary of “What About Juvenile Delinquency” and the taut thriller “Cheating”.
Finally, I feel like I lookdifferentt in pictures when I don’t expect them to be taken as evidenced in this photo. I’m not sure if it’s better or worse but it seems to be more revealing, more honest.
