August 22, 2011

Where I Am These Days

The next time you’re looking for me online you can find me  here.

Looking forward to seeing you at the new place.

Leave a Comment

Filed under Blogs and Blogging

June 19, 2011

Riding With The Big Man

When he was still in his early 20’s my father owned a Camaro. In my head I can still see it in front of my grandparents’ house; blue with a white stripe down the hood with an 8-track player and seat belts that were only a suggestion.  I remember how it sounded when it pulled up to the house and I remember what it felt like to sit in the front seat on the rare occasions it was just dad and I going for a ride. Outside of that, the only thing I remember is that one day the car was gone and instead of a Camaro my father was driving an old van, which he later swapped for an old Ford Bronco. My father would never again race someone who pulled up beside him at a light but the Bronco held his tools during the week and his kids on the weekend, which was enough.

The one thing the Camaro and the Bronco had in common was music and by the early 80’s this usually meant Bruce Springsteen. My father played Born to Run like he was preparing my brother, sister and I for a test on it and if there was a test we would have done just fine. We knew it was a town full of losers, we knew about the back streets, we knew most importantly when the change was made uptown and The Big Man joined the band because of all of the songs on that album we liked 10th Avenue Freeze Out best (I never thought about it at the time but I suppose we liked it because it was easy for us to all sing along with.)

In 1986, when Springsteen and the E Street Band released the live set of songs from 1975-1985 my father carefully selected his favorites and copied them onto cassette so we could listen to them in the car. He included a live version of 10th Avenue Freeze Out but our favorite song soon became the live version of Rosalita. By this point in time my father had seen Springsteen live but for the rest of us this 10-minute version of Rosalita was as close as we would get to the live experience. In case you’ve never heard it, that version of Rosalita, recorded at the Roxy Theater in 1978, includes a break to introduce the band which culminates in us learning that Bruce had in his corner, the man he called the king of the world…The Big Man Clarence Clemons. We had seen Clarence in pictures and on TV but it was this song that captured my imagination and set the image in my head of The Big Man as more than just Bruce’s sideman, he was also (as far as I could tell) his protector and confidant which is just what I needed and why in my head, when I recast my family as the E Street Band* I always made my father Clarence Clemons.

*Don’t act like you’ve never cast your family as a famous band. My family has been The E-Street Band, The Wu Tang Clan and many more over the years. Basically any band with more than five members can serve as a stand in for your family. Give it a try.

Here is the Clarence intro from around the same time as that Roxy show.

Yesterday, I was saddened to hear the news that Clarence Clemons had passed away. Today is Father’s Day and as many of you know, my father passed away about a year and a half ago.  Today I’m thinking of both big men and I’m grateful for the times we all spent together, I won’t let the fact that Clarence was never actually driving with us stop me in the least. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.

Happy Father’s Day to the big men in all of our lives, wherever they may be.

3 Comments

Filed under Betheboy Dad Stories, Family, Music Nerdery

May 9, 2011

Dream Baby Dream

One time at a Thai restaurant I got a fortune cookie that advised: “Keep your expectations reasonable.” At the time I made a joke about it but I’ve eaten hundreds of fortune cookies and that is the only fortune I remember because it is only one that ever made me mad. I drove home from that dinner very angry with the cookie who reminded me that I already was keeping my expectations ridiculously reasonable, to the point that I was content with getting by: I had a job that was good enough, an apartment  where the best feature was its price and if I ever dreamed of bigger and better things I certainly kept it to myself. The cookie said to stay reasonable and I took that to mean I should aim low and try to not get hurt. By the standards I had set I was successful and safe but never very happy.

Several years ago I examined my standards for success and I wasn’t pleased with what I saw. I was being held back by my own low expectations for myself and what I was capable of. I began to make changes, tentatively at first, but slowly I began moving forward, gaining confidence and finally expecting more of myself. I began want more out of life and more importantly doing the work to get it. While this change was happening I was mostly keeping it to myself, sure I had dreams but nobody had to know it.

The first big test of my new and improved life happened when I met a girl named Nina. I knew right away that Nina was special and I wanted her to be a part of my life but had no expectation they would feel the same way. Still,  I was so committed to doing things differently that I took a chance and if you know me you know how things turned out (if you don’t know me I’ll fill you in at the end).

Since that time I’ve pushed myself even harder to live a life beyond reasonable expectations and in every way my life is better today than it was when I got that stupid fortune cookie. As a result I’m doing things I never expected to be doing and I’m happier today than I’ve ever been in my life. I plan to keep reaching and working for more but for this particular day I’m treating myself to something special. On the table beside me there is a passport and a boarding pass for a flight to Sweden with my name on them. For the first time in my life I am taking a trip overseas. I’m very excited because this is something I used to think I could never do.

Of course I won’t be traveling alone, Nina is coming with me.  At some point over the Atlantic Ocean the clock will strike midnight and the date will be May 10th. When this happens Nina and I will have been married for four years. Of all of the ways my life has changed, the best part of my life today is having someone I can live out my dreams with.

Now if you’ll pardon me, I have a flight to catch. See you soon.

14 Comments

Filed under bethemarriage

April 1, 2011

Opening Day (Cheer up Charlie)

Today the Mets start their 2011 season and after 30+ years of watching opening days I keep my expectations reasonable. I don’t expect much from the Mets this year so anything I get will be fine. I’ll still catch as many games on TV and on the radio as I can but I’ve learned to not take it all so seriously. However, a few minutes ago I was thinking of the game and realizing that I feel like Charlie Bucket in Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory* after his family believed the last golden ticket had been found and that means tonight is my last chance to dream about the Mets being great before reality sets in.

*Let’s all agree that the Cheer up Charlie song almost kills the movie before it really gets going.

The last time I got my hopes up for a Mets game in April was in 2009 because I was going to be in New York for the Mets home opener which happened to be the first Mets game at the new Citi Field. My father called me a few days beforehand to tell me that he scored us a pair of tickets to the game. New season, new park and my father, who is responsible for my being a Mets fan, was taking me to the game. This was as good as life could get when it came to baseball.

I’ll spare you the details but long story short we didn’t make it to the game. Through no fault of my father’s the tickets fell through at the last-minute, this felt like a bad end to a disaster of a trip (I wrote about it at the time here). At least I thought it was a bad ending at the time.

My father apologized for what had happened and invited me to join him at his favorite bar to watch the game. We sat over a few beers and enjoyed the first few innings before heading for home to watch the rest. The Mets fell behind early and lost the game but that didn’t matter, it was good to watch the game with my dad. After 34 years of misunderstandings and missed opportunities we were finally just talking like two people who actually liked one another. We talked baseball, comedy and family When the game ended we stayed up a little while longer talking about the future. He had to work early the next morning and I had to catch a flight back to Los Angeles so we said goodnight and goodbye.

The next morning my father was gone before I got up and despite the great night I had watching the game I left my hometown disappointed by the whole trip and unsure when I’d be back. As it turned out, that Mets home opener would be the last game I would see with my father; my next trip home was six months later when he passed away.

It’s been two years since that night and the disappointment I felt that day has long since been replaced with perspective and a genuine grateful feeling for the fact that I had one last opening day with the person who taught me that opening day was important.

1 Comment

Filed under Betheboy Dad Stories

March 8, 2011

Dreaming of Faraway Cold Places

Last week my wife Nina and I were at Della Terra one of our favorite spots Los Angeles. We enjoy Della Terra because the food is great and the service is unhurried; it’s where we go when we want to get away from our regular routine but don’t want to travel far. At one point, as we mapped out plans for future adventures over a casual dinner, I noticed my wife’s attention had shifted from our table and was focused on someone or something behind me. I stopped talking and gave that “We’ll are you going to tell me what’s going on?” look to Nina who said: “That mother and daughter are wearing cool matching vests?”At first I was hurt that she found matching vests more interesting than our conversation but as I saw them sit down a few tables to my right I noticed they were fabulous vests…and then something happened, I stopped paying attention to where I was and started to think of Long Island on a snowy day in 1982.

In the winter of 1982 my parents had been split up for only a short while. My mother, brother, sister and I were living in a basement apartment where we mostly played Atari and ran around like maniacs. Freed from her relationship with my father my mom was trying to balance the hard work of raising three kids on her own with having a little fun. Since we were poor this usually meant improvising some fun at home like roller skating in the house or drawing cartoons on the walls. Most of the time we’d adjourn to the one room in the apartment where we were allowed to say dirty words and swear our heads off. Yeah, it was a magic time even if we barely had money for school lunch and warm clothes. The lunch money issue could be dealt with by bringing food from home. The clothes issue was manageable since we lived 100 feet from the school and running could keep us warm.

On a snowy day that winter found ourselves in a bind: school was closed and my mother had to work. The woman who lived upstairs could keep an eye on all three of us kids in morning until someone could get to the house to watch us but she had two kids of her own so she just opened the door to our place and told us to come and go from her place to our apartment as we pleased. My sister took her up on her offer but my little brother and I headed outside to throw snowballs at cars, which we believed was the best thing life had to offer. The problem was we didn’t have coats; between the two of us we had a sweatshirt and a vest and it was cold.  My brother came up with the idea: one of us would wear the sweatshirt AND the vest until the other one got cold too cold and then we’d switch back.

I thought of these memories, which I had forgotten for nearly 30 years, in a matter of seconds as the mother and daughter took their seats. I shared the story with my wife who is always amused by absurd moments from my childhood and impressed by the fact that I’ve grown up to be a normal adult. I always tell her that I grew up just fine because I never thought my life was different from anyone else.

After dinner I thought about my brother who knew that keeping us warm one at a time was better than both of us freezing.  As far as brothers go mine is top-notch and always has been, especially when it comes to helping people. Many miles away from my home in Los Angeles, my brother and his wife are expecting another child. Their baby boy is due in the summer but at the first sign of cold weather my brother will surely give the shirt off his back to keep the baby warm. Hopefully someday soon we can all get together, throwing snowballs at cars will be optional.

2 Comments

Filed under Family

March 7, 2011

An Important Message From Tom Scharpling

We interrupt this blog for an important message from Tom Scharpling who is an all around good guy and host of The Best Show on WFMU, my favorite show ever.

Hello everybody! It’s Tom Scharpling, the host of The Best Show On WFMU!

WFMU’s 2011 fundraising marathon is underway, and I’m doing my second and final fundraising marathon show this Tuesday, March 8th from 9 PM- midnight EST, asking for your pledges to help keep WFMU up and running for another year. Remember, WE ARE A LISTENER SPONSORED STATION, and the way we make our operating budget is through our marathon. We don’t take sleazy corporate grants or shady government subsidies or any of that stuff, and that allows us to bring you freeform radio that is 100 percent free – that’s the beauty of not having ties to The Bad Guys.

We’ve got special guests galore coming down to make the show as much fun as possible. What kind of ‘special guests’ you may ask? For starters we’ve got TED LEO returning to the Best Show airwaves! And we will also have CARL NEWMAN from the New Pornographers on hand! And JOHN HODGMAN will also be in the studio! And KURT VILE is gonna swing by also! Four of the most talented people in The Biz are all going to be LIVE IN THE STUDIO this Tuesday night! Unbelievable, right?

So call and pledge 1-800-989-9368 or pledge online at www.wfmu.org this Tuesday March 8th between 9 PM- midnight EST!! But you gotta pledge DURING the show to get the exclusive Best Show DON’T STOP ME NOW FANTASY PACK, available to anyone who pledges $75 or more!

The first item in the pack is a vinyl 7” record called RATED GG! The single is comprised of exclusive songs by notorious scum rocker GG Allin cleaned up and recorded by BEN GIBBARD, THE MOUNTAIN GOATS, FUCKED UP, TY SEGALL and TED LEO!

There will also be a DIGITAL DOWNLOAD of the single that will feature additional content by HOME BLITZ, SCHARPLING AND WURSTER, DUMP, JULIE KLAUSNER and more!

Seriously – this thing is going to be legendary. And it is ONLY available by pledging DURING MY SHOW. After that it will not be for sale anywhere ever!

The second part of the pack is a POSTER designed by CHARLES BURNS! Burns is a true mega-talent – one of the all-timers in the comics game for the last two decades – and he has been kind enough to lend his talent to The Best Show! And again, this poster will be GONE FOREVER if you don’t pledge DURING MY MARATHON SHOW ON TUESDAY MARCH 8th!

There will also be an awesome T-SHIRT included in the pack, which is shown here! And if that’s not enough I’m adding a BUTTON to the mix! Also awesome and also available ONLY BY PLEDGING DURING MY MARATHON SHOWS.

Once the marathon is over, ALL THESE THINGS ARE GONE FOREVER.

There are pledge levels at  $150, $365, $500, $1000 and $3000, and the station takes care of you big-time with a TON of awesome prizes and shirts and CDs that you can’t get anywhere else. And unlike that PBS or NPR crap, WFMU’s premiums are all top-notch and well made – who hasn’t seen a cool WFMU t-shirt in their travels? And everything is 100 percent TAX DEDUCTABLE!

And as an added bonus, anyone who pledges $500 or more will receive a SCREENED VERSION of the Charles Burns poster in addition to the printed version! Amazing!

And for you white whales out there, we have a truly amazing prize on the table for whoever pledges the most money over the course of my two shows. STEVE LAMBERT designed an absolutely beautiful work of art called UNSTOPPABLE that will be given out to the largest Best Show pledger! I’ve included a picture of it here and you can check out more info on Steve Lambert by checking out visitsteve.com!

And if you want to support the station but don’t have the money right now, YOU DON’T HAVE TO PAY YOUR PLEDGE RIGHT AWAY! The station sends you a bill in the mail and you can take care of it later. You can structure your payments in EASY MONTHLY INSTALLMENTS! But the important thing is pledging and being a part of something Good in a world that is filled with Too Much Bad, especially in These Troubling Times.

IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO CALL OR PLEDGE ONLINE DURING MY SHOW, I will gladly write the pledge up myself. You can email me your information – name, address and pledge amount – and I will fill it out myself. All addresses and information is completely confidential and is not sold or distributed in any way shape or form, so don’t worry about your privacy. Write me at toms@wfmu.org and I’ll take care of it.

And PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD ABOUT THIS! Put it on Facebook and Twitter and MySpace and maybe even Friendster if you can still remember your password. Post it on like-minded message boards! Tell co-workers and friends and family members and whoever! The station has a huge mountain to climb this time, but we can do it if enough people step up to the plate and pitch in.

THE FACTS:

Tuesday March 8th between 9 PM-midnight EST

TED LEO, CARL NEWMAN, JOHN HODGMAN and KURT VILE LIVE IN STUDIO

CALL 1-800-989-9368 or PLEDGE ONLINE at www.wfmu.org on TUESDAY MARCH 8th between 9 PM-midnight EST and be counted!

Thank you!

Tom Scharpling

For more information on The WFMU Marathon please click here and spread the word. Thanks.

2 Comments

Filed under General Tomfoolery

February 21, 2011

Things That Change and Things That Do Not

When my doctor told me I was showing early indicators future heart problems I started making changes. I began eating better and exercising and as a result I’m getting healthier and losing weight. Here’s proof:

This is me with my wife in June of 2010:

This is me last night:

As you can see, I’m thinner and I’m raiding the late Dale Evan’s wardrobe for clothes because none of my old stuff fits anymore.

Because all of my old clothes are too big for me I have been updating my wardrobe with things that actually fit so today I went through my closet to remove all of the old stuff so I can donate it to someone who can use it. While I was going through clothes  and boxes I found a card:

(click to see full size)

This was given to me by my wife Nina about 2 months after we met. Those of you who know us and our story will remember this by the time we had known each other for two months we had already gotten engaged. She gave me this card just before heading home to visit her family. Here’s the inside:

(click to see full size)

Without a doubt, this is the best thing anyone has ever said to me. All I can add to this is that now that I’m healthier I hope to live long enough to say something half as good as this card.

12 Comments

Filed under marriage, slackmistress

January 21, 2011

The NY Jets and How I Won it All

Last year the New York Jets were one win away from going to the Super Bowl and on the eve of that game I broke down and cried. Three months earlier my father had died unexpectedly, I took it very hard but I didn’t cry. I was deeply saddened and angry through the travel, the wake, the funeral and the handling of my father’s estate but I could not bring myself to shed a tear even though I wanted to.

When I got home I tried to return back to my normal life but I felt like there was a tremendous hole in the middle of me that couldn’t be filled. The closest I felt to normal came on the Sundays the Jets played. My father was a Jets fan, which means I am a Jets fan. My father and I had our difficulties and were often at odds with one another but when we had cause to not speak to each other we still had the Jets to talk about. Eventually football talk would give way to other discussions. When I was a child we sat over chocolate milk, cookies and the preview of the weekend’s game in the paper. We talked about match ups and betting and then finally the reasons my parents divorced. Years later, over drinks we talked about games and made peace with one another over slights both real and imagined. The day after I got married in Las Vegas, my father and I stood in the Sports Book discussing possible wagers  on the upcoming Jets season and he told me he thought that my new bride and her family, who he had met 48 hours earlier were: “The Goods” and that I did pretty well for myself.

The last time my father and I spoke was after a Jets game, in September 2009, a few weeks before he died. After he was gone I’d watch the games on Sundays and everything would feel normal until I’d reach for my phone to call someone who wasn’t there. Over the course of the rest of the season I attached a great significance to the Jets playoff hopes. Since the Jets were the last thing my father and I spoke about I felt like the season represented the last tangible connection I had to him and that connection would be severed when the season ended. When the Jets managed to get into the last playoff spot I felt like I had been granted one more week to feel connected to my father. After they pulled off two straight upset wins I began to think that maybe something magical was going on and maybe the connection I had created in my head would last all the way through the Super Bowl. However, the night before the AFC Championship game against the heavily favored Colts I knew that the odds were against the Jets and I would likely have to let go sooner or later, so I cried. I cried for the loss of my father and I cried over the memories of Sunday afternoons spent watching football with him. Then, when I had gotten it all out, I got ready to watch the game. When the Jets lost I was sad but I was okay, I had gotten everything I needed from the season including some closure.

This Sunday, the Jets are once again underdogs who are one game away from going to the Super Bowl and I have some perspective. I want the Jets to win it all but as time goes on I’ve realized that my love of the Jets has always been and always will be a stand in for the love I have for my father. Sometimes my father and I needed the Jets to help us communicate but I never doubted that he loved me and I’m sure he always knew I felt the same. No matter what happens this weekend, nothing can take that away. No matter what happens on Sunday, I have won.

That said: J-E-T-S! JETS!, JETS!, JETS!

13 Comments

Filed under Betheboy Dad Stories, Family

January 3, 2011

Looking Forward to 2011

Welcome to the first week of 2011, it’s a new year and a new decade and I feel like I’m starting both off on the right. Over the past few years I’ve been making changes to improve my health and better my personal and professional life and my primary goal in 2011 is to continue building on these improvements.

Since this is a personal blog I’m not going to get into work stuff but there are plenty of other things to talk about. Thanks to healthier diet and exercise I am 20 pounds lighter than I was at the start of 2010 and 30 pounds lighter than I was at the start of 2009. I’ve been a non smoker for almost three years (minus a handful of one smoke slip ups). In addition, over the last several weeks I’ve begun running; I’m up to 5K distance and building on that. A week ago I put another piece of the health puzzle in place when I decided to give up alcohol because as I get healthier I feel like it takes more out of me than it’s worth.

There are many reason why I’ve been working so hard to get healthier but the short version is this: My father and his father before him both passed away in their early 50′s of heart related issues and I’m determined to live a much longer life. I can do this by adding one healthy day on top of another for as long as I can.

Thanks in advance for your support and your help, I expect that 2011 is going to be a very good year because I’m working hard to make it so. Happy New Year and best wishes for a health and happy 2011.

8 Comments

Filed under Life of BetheBoy

November 2, 2010

I’ll Cast My Ballot For The Good Life

Election Day is a big deal for me and not just because I get to vote and wear a sticker all day.  It’s a big deal for me because on election night 2006, I met my wife Nina for the very first time.  I did not know at that time that my life was about to change for the better in every imaginable way.

Before Nina and I met she told me that our get together was not a date and that night she made it clear she had no intention of dating me; we were just two friends from the internet meeting each other to talk (seriously, she mentioned it multiple times…I know, I get it, you don’t like me, I’m a hideous monster).  I told her that I was fine with that and advised her that I would quietly and respectfully continue to think she was the best thing ever but not in a creepy way. We agreed that this was the best path to take and quietly said goodnight after she declined my offer to walk her to her car.

The next day I wrote this about her:

I met the Slackmistress last night. I’m not sure that I can describe her in a way that does her justice, because she’s just delightful. For a while I have read her site and been aware of her through the internet but that doesn’t come close to painting the picture. Imagine for a second that you’re a kid again and it’s a holiday. In the morning you see a big present with your name on it but you can’t open it until it gets dark so you wait all day and wonder what it could be. Well if when you open the present it’s everything you wanted and more, your present would be the Slackmistress.

We continued to talk beyond that Election Day, usually over instant messenger. She was not aware of the fact that I would put on a fancy shirt and usually a jacket when we did this. Dressing up to chat was a secret I found easier to keep  than the secret that I wanted to see her again.  Eventually we did see each other again for another non date and then another after that. In a span of a few weeks it became apparent that there was something happening that we both wanted to be a part of. We couldn’t explain it, but we knew it was good so six months later we got married. I still don’t understand what exactly happened in the weeks after Election Day 2006,  I just know that I’m happy for all of it.  I’ll vote for that every time.

Nina, Daisy and me in our hobo chic backyard. Photo copyright Lisa Jane Persky. lisajaneperskyphoto.com.

11 Comments

Filed under marriage, slackmistress